What would be funny to engrave on a bottle opener for a soon to be new dad?

I am buying him a bottle opener before I go back stateside (USMC) and cannot figure out what to get engraved on it. He is kinda stale, so dry sense of humors welcome!

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👤︎ u/deeeeeds
📅︎ Oct 02 2019
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Did you know that when the Stanley Cup was first made, a series of absurd miscommunications resulted in it being mistakenly engraved with the image of a feline anus?

It was a huge catastrophe.

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👤︎ u/Case_Ace
📅︎ Oct 08 2017
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Some people see names engraved on trees and think that it is sweet. I think, who brings a knife on a date?
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👤︎ u/NORM5000
📅︎ Aug 27 2018
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I got my dad a zippo lighter engraved with "Ice Ice Baby"

because it's not Under Pressure

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👤︎ u/oowth
📅︎ Dec 16 2014
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Give me music puns!

I bought some guitar picks for my partner's belated bday and I want to have some musical puns engraved on them. I don't know enough about music to do a good job. I need puns that play on musical theory or musical notes, method, whatever... Anything that's more clever than "I pick you", which I think is cute but also underwhelming. These are guitar picks though, so short and simple are best. NSFW acceptable. PLE ASE HALP!!!

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📅︎ Apr 23 2020
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The WWE wrestler, The Undertaker, does not give autographs.

He is known to engrave things, though.

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👤︎ u/Naitraen
📅︎ Jun 29 2020
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Anniversary gift from my wife

I'm not into knives but she got me an engraved benchmark 9160sbk auto triage. I told her it was pointless

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👤︎ u/bbladegk
📅︎ Jan 13 2020
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[Pun Request] Bowling ball and space

I recently won a bowling ball that has a color pattern that looks like space. I want to get it engraved with an awesome bowling/space pun but I cant think of anything. Any suggestions?

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📅︎ Dec 09 2013
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Even my Dreams are Punny

I honestly just had a dream that belongs here. At the start of the dream, I meticulously engraved the word "Over" into a knife when I started getting all these friends and old contacts telling me to leave them alone and blocking me... when I didn't say shit. I finally notice somebody is going through my contacts on all social media one at a time and just ruining friendships sending lewd photos of their junk.

I realize it's coming from my computer at home and I can't get remoted into it so I start driving home... only to get caught in a bunch of tornados. One smaller one picks me up and throws my car about 20ft knocking my wheel loose.

I limp my car away from that tornado only to find another doing like a Mexican standoff with me on the highway. I turned to the random person in my passenger seat holding up the knife and said "Wind or Loose, it'll be Over in a Flash" and I woke up. Now I feel the need to change all my passwords...

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📅︎ Jun 03 2017
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Did my living will today..

I was doing my living will today and when I went over where it specifies my cremation I suddenly had the brightest idea of adding the following:

> .. On the jar for my ashes, please engrave the following: "Hi, I'm sorry if I look a bit ashen today..".

I wonder..

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👤︎ u/smalaki
📅︎ Apr 27 2014
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