Fred Flintstone was arrested for drug possession.

Don't worry, he's getting the help he needs. He's already checked into Rehabba-dabba-doo!

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📅︎ Feb 28 2021
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My wife insisted she has nudist genes

I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans

Edit: there->their

Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!

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👤︎ u/S93C141
📅︎ Sep 25 2020
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4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for

The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder

The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault

The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs

The Fourth man simply says: Arson

The Second man asks him: What degree was it?

The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish

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📅︎ Nov 29 2020
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Dude, you're getting a DUI

Today at work a different FedEx delivery dude shows up, makes the "dude you got a Dell!" reference (since he was delivering a computer) and then proceeds to say how we don't see those commercials anymore because the actor was jailed for marijuana possession. Everyone heard it wrong and thought our normal guy was in jail, to which my boss replies, "Weed? I thought that was a Gateway drug!"

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📅︎ May 11 2015
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