I like to keep all my bases covered.
"I'm getting a re-straining order!"
For example, airport security.
Canoe?
I'm now known as the Lord of the Wrings.
Pair o' sights!
I told him I'd have to check my colander.
He's wan.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
today i tripped and fell down
and my face hit the letter E on a sewer drain cover
and then the police came and charged me with felony
That's just grate.
She might be charged with battery.
It's all downhill from here.
No whey!
If you buy two packs, they'll throw in a pack of dead ones, free of charge.
I said I'd check my colander.
WORKING ON A JOB
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
She told em to pipe down.
...he was forced to take out a restraining order.
First you should take it out for a spin.
When you're feeling drained.
Let that sink in…
But it was too draining
http://imgur.com/gallery/LVgGlW7
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.
Let that sink in
Sir Lancelot
Me; the moons almost full.
Dad; there's a plug at the bottom, drain it out.
Ffs.
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I told him I wrote a paper about Dracula. His response was "Did it suck?"
I'm undead now.
I asked if it was that good, his smile faded and he looked me dead in the eye as he said no, its fucking close to water. He poured it down the drain without losing focus and walked out of the kitchen
It was a grate idea.
They were to small, so i respond with well there goes $0.99 down the drain
One got pissed off.
right into HIS CABINET!
My boy, Arthur, is slow. He is the slowest child I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean mentally, he just doesn’t move quickly at all no matter what the urgency.
He takes an hour to get out of bed and stand up in the morning. He takes an hour to eat. When we go anywhere we have to tell him 20 minutes in advance because he takes that long to get his shoes on. His showers…we had to install an industrial sized water heater and hook it up to his shower exclusively because he would drain the tank and shower in ice cold water and started getting sick from it.
The worst part is that even if you help him out he doesn’t go faster. We can feed him and he’ll just swallow slower. We can wash him and he’ll just sit there for longer.
I’ve learned to live with it and be content because I know he won’t change. But my wife can’t take it. Just the other day she told me she was going to punish him to make him go quicker:
“I’ve had it with him! I’m going to start giving him timeouts and taking away toys for going so slow!”
“Honey,” I said, “it’ll never work.”
“Why not?!”
“Because you can’t rush Art.”
"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"
