So, earlier I was replanting my succulents and I offhandedly mentioned to my fiancΓ© I'd like to do gardening shit with my sis...

He replied, "She'd be super helpful since she's a HOE."

#mypunssucc #punnyshit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/queefyqueen_j
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Si"

"Ja"

πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amanbbi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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How-do-we-make-babies joke

Okay, so this is my first post, so be gentle there. It s more a funny thing my dad did to mess with us than a dad joke. Our parents explained it to us , so i don t have the dialogues here. When we were little, my brother and I of course asked my parents how do we make babies, because we wanted a little bro or sis and they did not wanted us to get one. So we asked them how babies are made. They explained to us that you need 3 things ; a mother's belly , dad's seeds and a little bit of love. That was cute, they said that daddy had to put his seeds in mummy 's belly with the love. When we asked how, they told us to guess -this is why we thought babies were made by the bellybutton, they did really had fun with us- and then, finally, we asked them why they would not make us a little brother then. My father, had this brilliant idea to mess with us, which we sometimes did not notice, as we were little. He basically told us with a huge smile accros his face :" You know what ? If you find the good seeds, we'll make you one". My mother laughed but we took it seriously. We have apparently searched for hours even going in the basement, searching in mom's gardening seeds, ripping of the labels and bringing them to the parents to ask if these were the good ones . We eventually got fed up, and never asked my parents to have a sibling again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/calam_n_fish
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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That was Egg-celent, Dad

We were having a conversation with our family about cooking, and my dad just casually said to my sister (who’s birthday it is tomorrow:) Hey how do you like your eggs?

Sis: well if you’re talking about breakfast I like them sunny side up! Dad: Oh, well I like them in cake.

I instantly cracked up, and everyone else took a minute. It must be because I’m in culinary school.
I love you dad.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrGorilla54
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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So we're driving through Kansas city...

My dad is asking questions about a barbecue place my sister found.

>Dad: Do they sell barbecue sauce?

>Sis: They have a picture of bottles on the Google page.

>Dad: OK. Are they open?

>Sis: No. They're packaged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wall-fi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
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Hit my sister with the best dad joke

My sis: I want to get fake nails.

Me:do you want a fake hammer, too?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Casanova666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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Do you know Champ?

Staged perfectly in the ever scentiful Bath&Body works at a mall.

Me: "Hey mom, do you know a guy named Champ?"

Mom:"Champ, is that a nickname?"

Me: "No, its his actual name."

Sister chimes in "Well whats his last name?"

Me: purposeful "Huh?"

Sis: "Champ who?"

Me: ":)"

Sis: "-GROAN- God fucking damn it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2015
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Mother's boyfriend is ready to be my dad.

Sister complaining about her chicken.

Sis: Do chickens have scales? Because my chicken wing has a scale on the end.

Mom's boyfriend: How much did it weigh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatCub3K1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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Thanksgiving Dad Joke

This happened last night between my Father and my Sister. They were talking about Thanksgiving dinner and my sister wanted some pointers on how to cook her turkey next week.

Sis: After you take the turkey out of the oven how long do you let it rest?

Dad: I'm not really sure it depends on how tired it is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cannonboom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2015
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Wife asked for her medicine.

W - "Can you get my dose?"

Me - holds up two fingers "Dos? Si."

W - "No, dose. Medicine."

Me - "NoDoz? I think you need all the rest you can get."

W - "Just move. I'll get it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steeb2er
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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Spit this gem out on accident

I needed my shirt ironed and my sister volunteered to help. For some reason we were saying "iron" and "ironing" as "earn" and "earning". Accent jokes, ha. The following ensued:

Me: "Hey Thanks again for earning my shirt"

Sis: "No big deal, it's easy really"

Me: "Yeah. Do you want this pop tart?"

lifts pop tart

Sis: "Really? Sure."

Me: "You earned it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgt_Pepper522
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2015
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