Do Si Do Puns

He replied, "She'd be super helpful since she's a HOE."

#mypunssucc #punnyshit

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Si"

"Ja"

Okay, so this is my first post, so be gentle there. It s more a funny thing my dad did to mess with us than a dad joke. Our parents explained it to us , so i don t have the dialogues here. When we were little, my brother and I of course asked my parents how do we make babies, because we wanted a little bro or sis and they did not wanted us to get one. So we asked them how babies are made. They explained to us that you need 3 things ; a mother's belly , dad's seeds and a little bit of love. That was cute, they said that daddy had to put his seeds in mummy 's belly with the love. When we asked how, they told us to guess -this is why we thought babies were made by the bellybutton, they did really had fun with us- and then, finally, we asked them why they would not make us a little brother then. My father, had this brilliant idea to mess with us, which we sometimes did not notice, as we were little. He basically told us with a huge smile accros his face :" You know what ? If you find the good seeds, we'll make you one". My mother laughed but we took it seriously. We have apparently searched for hours even going in the basement, searching in mom's gardening seeds, ripping of the labels and bringing them to the parents to ask if these were the good ones . We eventually got fed up, and never asked my parents to have a sibling again.

We were having a conversation with our family about cooking, and my dad just casually said to my sister (who’s birthday it is tomorrow:) Hey how do you like your eggs?

Sis: well if you’re talking about breakfast I like them sunny side up! Dad: Oh, well I like them in cake.

I instantly cracked up, and everyone else took a minute. It must be because I’m in culinary school.
I love you dad.

My dad is asking questions about a barbecue place my sister found.

>Dad: Do they sell barbecue sauce?

>Sis: They have a picture of bottles on the Google page.

>Dad: OK. Are they open?

>Sis: No. They're packaged.

My sis: I want to get fake nails.

Me:do you want a fake hammer, too?

Staged perfectly in the ever scentiful Bath&Body works at a mall.

Me: "Hey mom, do you know a guy named Champ?"

Mom:"Champ, is that a nickname?"

Me: "No, its his actual name."

Sister chimes in "Well whats his last name?"

Me: purposeful "Huh?"

Sis: "Champ who?"

Me: ":)"

Sis: "-GROAN- God fucking damn it."

Sister complaining about her chicken.

Sis: Do chickens have scales? Because my chicken wing has a scale on the end.

Mom's boyfriend: How much did it weigh?

This happened last night between my Father and my Sister. They were talking about Thanksgiving dinner and my sister wanted some pointers on how to cook her turkey next week.

Sis: After you take the turkey out of the oven how long do you let it rest?

Dad: I'm not really sure it depends on how tired it is.

W - "Can you get my dose?"

Me - holds up two fingers "Dos? Si."

W - "No, dose. Medicine."

Me - "NoDoz? I think you need all the rest you can get."

W - "Just move. I'll get it."

I needed my shirt ironed and my sister volunteered to help. For some reason we were saying "iron" and "ironing" as "earn" and "earning". Accent jokes, ha. The following ensued:

Me: "Hey Thanks again for earning my shirt"

Sis: "No big deal, it's easy really"

Me: "Yeah. Do you want this pop tart?"

lifts pop tart

Sis: "Really? Sure."

Me: "You earned it."