How did the virus and the vaccine end their dispute?

They immunocompromised.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2022
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Where did the two bananas finally settle their dispute?

At the Court of A-peels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatabaseSolid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2021
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My buddy used to be an officer in the Navy until, while on duty 200 feet below the surface and in disputed waters, he participated in a ceremony to become a member of the clergy. He was promptly court-martialled.

It turns out the Navy has a strict policy against in-sub ordination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2021
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How do pirates settle disputes?

They go to ARRRRRbitration

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2021
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If two vegetarians have an ongoing dispute….

..is it still called a beef?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2021
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I don't understand the dispute over who oens Cyprus.

Its all greek to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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The Mafia killed a man in a rice field because of a dispute over a small trinket

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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How do pirates resolve disputes?

Arrrbitration.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlelolipop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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My theory as to why USA and Cuba had their dispute was because of oil. Evidence you say. I just found Fidels Castrol
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roso_124588
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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β€œJudge, I’m here to dispute 60% of my tickets!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. I’m here to dispute 3/5 of my tickets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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On Christmas in the Soviet Union

On Christmas in the Soviet Union, it was a very misty day. Sometimes the mist would be so thick that it was almost like rain. In the town square a couple were having an argument on if this weather would be considered rain or not. To settle the dispute the husband said they should ask the Town Guard, Rudolf. His wife, not thinking Rudolf would be much help asks "Why him? What does he know about rain?"

To which the husband replies "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nagol93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2021
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What was the result of the labor dispute at the bowling alley?

A strike.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarlet_Spectre
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?

They were strike anywhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_BENCHYS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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An Italian wheat farmer was having a land dispute with another farmer.

Finally the first farmer had enough and said "stop! You are giving me a mygrain"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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A crab walks into a bar

β€œOne beer please,” says the crab. β€œBut if I am not satisfied I will require a full refund. You may dispute my claim that the beer wasn’t satisfactory at which point we can move to an arbitration process. This agreement is also only between us and I expect full confidentiality.”

β€œSure,” says the bartender. β€œBut why the big clause?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyCatlc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
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My dad texted me and needed me to settle a dispute between him and my mom

My Dad: Mom and I are disagreeing...is your truck a Chevy or a Dodge?

Me: Haha it's a Dodge, the other two were Chevys

My Dad: Oh, I thought it was a Chevy. Well, orthopedic shoes...

Me: What? Orthopedic shoes???

My Dad: Yes!

Me: What the hell do orthopedic shoes have to do with my truck? Hahaha

My Dad: Orthopedic shoes...I stand corrected!

Me: facepalm and groan

Love you, dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreamyGoodnss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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What do you call 2 neighbors having a lawn dispute?

Grass-fed beef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeissogroovy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Two artists couldn't settle their dispute...

They called it a draw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeptil
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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Kids dispute over the color of a spicy root vegetable

Kid 1: They're red!
Kid 2: No, purple!
...
Dad: I'd call it sort of radish-purple.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aaron_Blenkush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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Two restaurant servers tried to settle a dispute with a game of tennis

But they could never start as service was not included.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manubfr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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A Russian couple is arguing about the weather.

One says it is raining, the other says it is simply a mist.

To settle their dispute, they stop and ask a guard outside the Kremlin for his opinion.

"Rudolph, please help us with this disagreement! Is it raining, or not?"

Rudolph replies, "It is raining."

"I knew we could depend on you, Comrade. You see," he says to his partner, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/finestjuggler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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I overheard a couple fighting in the other day.

They were arguing about the weather, one thought it was hailing, the other was sure it was rain. To settle their dispute they approached the communist officer, Rudolph. Rudolph settled the score by confirming that it was rain. The man then turns to his wife and says β€œRudolph the Red knows rain, dear”

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Found this here a while ago:

My grandparent grew up in the Soviet Union. One cloudy day, as they were walking down the street perception started falling.

My grandmother thought it was snow, while my grandfather thought it was rain.

Their passionate arguing was noticed by the local head of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, a good friend named Rudolph.

After they told him of their dispute, Rudolph stated that it was in fact rain.

With a smile on his face my grandfather turned tp his wife, and said: "You see, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mike_the_hun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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Two owls were sitting in opposite trees and hooting at each other while we were walking on a research trip. My professor earned dad joke gold.

I suggested the male owl was trying to mate with the female. My friend said no, they were probably married and it was a domestic dispute. Our professor said, "maybe someone forgot to pay their owlimony."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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I had a workplace win with an excellent pun, and I'm still smiling about it.

[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]

Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.

I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:

"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."

Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnect with them.

Anyway, my kids are pretty popular (my son's a school teacher, so I don't want to embarrass him in front of the kids), and my daughter would be mortified to hear a dadjoke this terrible great so I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any details about me in the comments (might spoil their evening lol) it was just a nice little moment.

Anyway, just wanted to share the moment with you guys.

D. [To the mods, I know this is a kind of just a pun, but I thought it was worth posting here. I hope you guys understand.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloakedCorgi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Where do pirates settle their disputes?

In arrrrrrrbitration

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2021
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The mafia killed a man in a rice field today because of a dispute over a small trinket

It is the first documented case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report

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