My girlfriend’s mom is so deep in denial.

She might as well be Egyptian.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RicanSlayer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Daniel is in denial

Really, it is or do you need me to spell it out for you?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't think that denial is a powerful thing.

I'll fight anyone who thinks so.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aceryder824
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
He knows the subtle art of denial

Because he Noes

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

β€œWhy don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

β€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said β€œWell if the Foux shits...”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s no β€œi” in denial.
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My therapist said I was in denial, but I refuse to believe that.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HowManyMonkeys
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Mike Pompeo is Secretary of State

The β€œstate” is denial

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cuntillious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Climate change denial

Is the hottest thing of the century

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doolu
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I went swimming in a river in Paris and my friend went swimming in a river in Cairo. He said I was insane, but I told him he was in denial.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in denial of my grandma dying until the wake. But then I saw her face.

Now I’m a bereaver.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
There's no I in denial.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StraightBollocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend went to Egypt and claimed he never swam in a river.

I showed him a picture and he's still in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was giving me a hard time and I said I wasn't in denial

"That's right, you must be in da Mississippi"

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJHubbz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
🚨︎ report
HELP. My father is in denial, he doesn't believe "dadjokes" are a thing.

He thinks he made them up, and he is hilarious.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whaticansee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Looks like denial won't be a river in Egypt anymore. (x-post from geopolitics) news.nationalgeographic.c…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksings
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
🚨︎ report
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?

She was in denial

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPosket
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Denial?

My dad and his fellow dad friends will just put a string of dad jokes on every status they each post. It's like they have a secret agreement to support each other by commenting these things.

http://imgur.com/gallery/eRIokiz

(My dad is the Doug guy)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
🚨︎ report
We need to add three more states to the United States of America

53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.

πŸ‘︎ 980
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Remember kids,

There's no "I" in "denial"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to tell the Egyptian that he was drowning

But he was in denial

πŸ‘︎ 908
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?

Denial River

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just told me that Peter Tork of The Monkees died today. I said, β€œNo way!”

Now I’m a bereaver.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My spirit animal is the crocodile

I live in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What country has the leaders that are slowest to accept change?

Egypt. They’re in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiphany81964
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend still refuses to admit his house is in an egyptian river!

He is living in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karlal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The Nile crocodile thinks it is an alligator...

Because it is in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SumerWar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife, β€œThe first stage of grief is guilt.”

She said, β€œIsn’t it denial?”

Me: No, not for me.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Help! I think my dad is planning to go senile

He keeps talking about a river cruise across Egypt!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
🚨︎ report
We must be in egypt

Because you’re in denial!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_boi_gappy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Two friends go on a vacation to Africa together

They come across the river. The one friend jumps in and exclaims β€œwow the water here in Kenya is so clear!” The other man replies β€œwhat are you talking about we’re not in Kenya! We’re in Egypt.” The friend in the water says β€œno I’m absolutely sure that this is a Kenyan river.” His friend sighs β€œdude it’s an Egyptian river...you’re in denial”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dickdackduck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Egyptians aren't very good at getting through the stages of grief

They always swim in denial

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a river that thinks it's not a river?

Denial

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gorod-Krovi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call all the times Trump and his aides have angrily refuted that he had sex with a porn star?

Stormy denials

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/occamrazor1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw Tutankhamen yesterday and said β€œHey, your hair looks wet”...

He was in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraphin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Some people say there is no river in Egypt...

... it's denial

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fromITroom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I used to have a hard time admitting I went to Egypt.

I was in denial.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheProgrammer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Did I do it right?

My friend told me that I was just in denial. I replied saying I can't possibly be in denial I'd have been eaten by piranhas or crocs by now. There was confusion, followed by head shaking and despair.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lanadre
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
With just a small re-ordering in the letters, the joke could have become:

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.... It's also a mountain in Alaska".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prufessor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
🚨︎ report
Was telling my dad about Jacksonville...

Me: did you know that the St. John's is one of two rivers in the world to flow north the other one is the Nile.

Dad: I thought denial was when you didn't admit to something.

Me: groans on groans on groans

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockledgeskater
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Discussing the fallic household with my mother and father.

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotYourLocalCop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Back from Egypt.

My dad came back from Egypt and we are celebrating the 4th of July. At a bbq we were eating lunch with the neighborhood. And somebody was joking about denail being great to my dad. Neighbor dad: 'well denial solves a lot of problems hahaha.'

Dad: I just came back from Egypt and I'll tell you da'NILE is pretty great!'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crispyjay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
🚨︎ report
Theres no i in denial
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s no I in denial
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsecureBandAid
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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