A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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My teacher asked me to make a sentence with the word defence, defeat and detail

When a horse jumps over defence defeat go first the detail

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
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I have never been defeated...

I still have both of my feet

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SinfulM4ntis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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Defeating Predators With Facts & Logic
πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FFPOE
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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We were utterly defeated by 2020

Because next year is 2020 won.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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Trump's defeat is in his hands (Credit: how.how)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2020
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Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Badwolfgyt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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Credit to u/the_richard_cranium. In a sub called r/nononono where things that had the potential to go wrong do, a woman struggles to put out a match. She sets it on the table, defeated failing to do so, but she forgot to put it out before doing so.

Confused, another redditor asked β€œWhat kind of match was that?” Cranium replied β€œNo match for her apparently”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vinnyc-11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2021
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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 550
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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What’s the opposite of defeat?

Da hands

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sedge__
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7

But the odds were against them

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2019
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What happens when one duck defeats another duck?

The quackening.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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The reason Superman can't defeat Dracula...

is because he can't go near the crypt tonight.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 98
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2020
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How did the autobots defeat the deceptions?

With Primed explosives

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Adragontype
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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The only thing that can defeat me...

is an amputation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/football2106
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2019
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How to defeat Agent P in a swordfight.

Parry the platypus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2020
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How did the Samurai defeat the enemy General?

He hit him with "Ja-Pan"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Trainsylvania
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2020
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How did Batman defeat Calendar Man with one punch?

He hit him in his Week spot!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheMightyBattleSquid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2020
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Did you hear about the Indian boxer that defeated his opponents with wordplay?

He was known as Punjab

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/birq
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2020
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How did Luke Skywalker defeat Darth Vader?

By beating the Sith out of him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2020
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How was the Roman Empire defeated?

With a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_SquidYT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
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What part of the body always loses?

Defeat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 103
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Doctor_Randumb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.

Sadly I was defeated.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
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What is lbgtq?

When I ask I can never get a straight answer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bluelemons111
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2019
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It’s a bit disappointing that the Ant Man defeating Thanos theory won’t happen. After all, I’m sure the strategy would have...

Rectum.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Emeraldzoroark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2019
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Oops.. Is this how felix got defeated.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/saintwithataint
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2019
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Who did the hero fish have to defeat?

Anemone

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigmonsteradeliciosa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2019
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How did antman defeat thanos?

He rectum

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nebulaser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2019
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The cannibal warrior who defeated his female opponent looked very satiated.

He was gladiator.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2019
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What did the evil plant say when the good plant defeated it?

"Oh no! My plans have been soiled!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RegretablyJ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2019
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How does Santa defeat dragons?

He sleighs them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/diplomaticDeveloper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2018
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What do you call the ISIS when they're defeated?

WASWAS.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Todosskg
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2019
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I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was

she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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friend asked me "have you ever felt the agony of defeat?"

i said "of course, these shoes are killing me!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HaddockMaster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2018
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What's the opposite of defeat?

Dehands

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moooflol
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2019
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How do you defeat Ganon?

Triforce

πŸ‘οΈŽ 48
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Baikeru
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2016
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I gazed at her. I predict defeat.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2018
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Race horse Pat

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set.

Once Pat retired, he started keeping track of all the up and coming horses that were winning a lot. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. Charlie started to break all of Pat’s records and Pat was a little upset with this.

After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. By chance, Charlie decided to retire at the same stable that Pat retired in. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Pat went up to Charlie and said, β€œHey Charlie congratulations on all of your wins! You broke a lot of my records and I was very impressed.” Charlie responds, β€œgo away old man, I’m better than you ever were.” Pat was blown away by his response. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat.

After a while of thinking, Pat decides to challenge Charlie to a race. Charlie agreed to it and wanted to race right away. He said β€œWe will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner.” Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Charlie gives Pat 2 weeks to get ready.

After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. β€œHey Pat, before we race I want to warn you that I win my races by passing them by the end. So don’t get all cocky and think you are going to win.” Charlie says. Pat thanks him for the warning and they start getting set to race.

The gun sounds and they are off to race. Pat starts out in front, and nears the finish. Out of know where, Charlie zooms ahead of Pat and wins the race.

Pat was very disappointed in his loss, but congratulated Charlie anyways. A dog comes up to them and says, β€œWow, that was a fantastic race! Neither of you should be upset with that. You both were so great!” Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. They are astonished. Charlie says, β€œSay that again! Say it again!” The dog says a little confused, β€œWell I just said that you both were so great out there.” Pat says, β€œCharlie! It’s a talking dog!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SnappyOrange69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2020
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Cyborg and Iron man teamed up to defeat Thanos

Later they became good alloys

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/weabooass6669
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2017
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I always try to use jokes to defeat my enemies.

But no matter what jokes I use, they always have the last laugh.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DisgracedAbyss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2018
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Which superhero is best suited to defeat the frost giants?

Thor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/engineertothestars
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2019
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Why can't Peter Pan defeat Captain Hook?

Because his punches Neverland.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sric2838
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2017
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What happens if you cut both your feet off?

You get two feet shorter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Holeeschite
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2020
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My dad, encouraging me after my water polo match defeat, "Son you are one in a million."

The other six are the Zeroes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2018
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Marathon runners with bad footwear

suffer the agony of defeat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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So I told my son the worst thing about defeat is...

de smell.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Whataboutthatguy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2016
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What’s the opposite of winning hands down?

Defeat!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theonlykelc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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What part of the body loses the most?

Defeat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mewtwo_Nex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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