Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
π︎ 999
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
David Beckhamβs son arrived for football training.
He asked the coach, βWhat number shirt am I?β
The coach said βWear four out there, Romeoβ.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
The cast of βFriendsβ got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.
Me: Iβm not David.
Doctor: I know. Iβm David.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
I figured out the secret chord that David played!
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
My friend David lost his ID today
π︎ 94
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
What do you get when David fights Robin hood?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
When I open the fridge after a long day at work only to find water, milk and juice, I start to feel like David Gilmour.
"How I wish... How I wish you were beer."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
βItβs a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoffβ, said the bartender.
βJust call me Hoffβ, he replied.
βSureβ, said the bartender, βno hassleβ.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
π︎ 28k
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
"Whatβs your name, son?"
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
π︎ 682
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
What type of phone does David Berkowitz use?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
Craig David has volunteered to help out at the next Olympics, he has been assigned to Archery...
He said βHeβs delighted to be the bo selectaβ
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I found out that my salary from starring in porn movies was going to David Hasselhoff...
All my hard work was going to pay Hoff.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Someone stole my friend David's ID
π︎ 91
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:
We call him Ciggy Stardust.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.
Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
What do you call a magician that fondles his assistants?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
What do French chickens eat?
Bock-bock-bock-baguettes!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
My nameβs David, but my Chinese friends call me Dawei.
I guess thatβs just dawei it is.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Breaking news: Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit.
βItβs a little fit bunny.β
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
I finally figured out why David Hasselhoff changed his name to The Hoff.
π︎ 516
π
︎ Jan 23 2020
Dav is pissed
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
"Bowl of Chocolate Mousse" by David Gilhooly, 1989
π︎ 34
π
︎ Oct 11 2019
There's a lot of talk about zamboni driver David Ayres getting a once-in-a-lifetime win, but I don't think we've seen the last of him in the NHL.
/r/hockey/comments/f8c0jhβ¦
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?
"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 12 2020
My friend David lost his ID...
Now he is no longer instinctual, with only his super-ego left. Is this a psycho-babble joke? Yes, I'm a-Freud so.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
My friend David lost his ID,
π︎ 50
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
π︎ 73
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
My friend David lost his ID during a trip.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
Doctor: Relax, David. Itβs just a small surgery, donβt panic.
Me: my name isnβt David.
Doctor: I know. Iβm David.
π︎ 950
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
My mate David had his ID stolen...
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:
We call him Ciggy Stardust.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
My buddy David has his ID stolen
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
My buddy David had his ID stolen.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
My friend David lost his ID.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
My friend David had his ID stolen.
Now we just call him Dav.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
I refer to David Hasselhoff as "The Hoff"
It's less of a hassel π
π︎ 273
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
My friend David lost his ID...
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 05 2020
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?
Now we just have to call him Dav.
π︎ 92
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
My friend David lost his id.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
David Hasselhoff has started to refer to himself as Hoff.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Feb 03 2018
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?
Now we just have to call him Dav.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
My uncle David just lost his wallet and phone and ID.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
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