I'm not a bad singer!

I'm just using Out-of-Tune

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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What did the musician say on commercial break?

Stay tuned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?

Hummus a tune.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reptiliansarehere
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What's the sea's favourite kind of music?

A nep-tune.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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13 of my BEST Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.

I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.

I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.

I failed math so many times at school ... I can’t even count.

Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear

When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!

There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't

They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toydles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What do you do when your fish sounds bad?

Tune a fish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rick--Diculous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Can you tuna fish?

It’s this fun new dance move that is best when danced to the tune of phish!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trollfaceguy1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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You Know, These Are Some Looney Times...

Luckily, I've got my music for such times.

My Looney Tunes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pfheonix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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What's the difference between a guitar, a fish, and glue?

You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano, and glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna. What about the glue? I knew you’d get stuck on that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tv_JeT_Tv
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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What kind of music do you listen to during the coronavirus?

Quaran-tunes!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I sing like an amputee..

Cause I can’t hold a note, can’t carry a tune.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HaulinBoats
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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I took my clarinet back to the music shop,

"I don't know what it is," I said, "I can only seem to be able to play one tune on it, Perfect Day, nothing else seems right or in tune."

"Let's have a look," said the assistant as he dismantled my clarinet.

"Ha, there's the problem, looks like it was fitted with a Lou Reed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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What's the difference between a fish, a piano and a tub of glue?

You can tune a piano but you can't tunafish. as for the tub of glue, i knew you would get stuck on that one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastStrudelz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What type of songs do planets sing?

Nep-Tunes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilCuntBoyXD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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What kind of music do planets listen to?

Nep-tunes.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Just made up my 1st dad joke, that I can think of after being a father for 3 and a half years.

I'm pushing my shopping cart to the cart corral after this loading my car with groceries. This lady is walking to the store and asks "Is that a good one" I says "yeah, I just had her tuned up" and then " it runs pretty smooth". All I got was a smile from her but I couldn't stop laughing on the inside myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rnembrane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head

When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fourwindsgone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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A car cruising down a rural country suddenly backfires.

As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy β€œHello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says β€œDon’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. β€œThank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying β€œI’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foyeldagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do choirs keep buckets handy?

So they can carry their tune

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The new tool album sounds awesome

They are "hammering" out some new tunes, But they should of hired "Phillips head" to do the mixing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flurowolf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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While walking down the street a man found a hundred dollars on the ground...

While walking down the street a man found a hundred dollars on the ground. Ecstatic, he took the money and walked into a nearby store, thinking he would treat himself. Inside, he purchased a large chocolate cake and started walking home. Suddenly, a crazy old man popped out of an alley next to him and ran straight past him! As he went by, he dropped a mechanical eyeball straight into the middle of the cake. Dazed, the man stopped and stared at the eyeball when it suddenly started to belt out a tune!

Well, obviously the best part of this story was the finding of the 100 dollars - everything else is just eye sing on the cake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0elijaHayes0
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play...

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.

There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.

The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.

Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.

The octopus took it and stared for a bit.

After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.

This man paid his $50 and sat down.

The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.

The bartender said, β€œI’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”

The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.

The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.

The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, β€œHurry up and start playing the thing”

The octopus spewed, β€œPlay it?! I wanna marry her!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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How do you eat a piano?

With a tuning fork!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimsonate-F3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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What does the radio host say to their guitar every night?

Stay tuned!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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What is the favorite music streaming service of optometrists?

eyeTunes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maximilian156
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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Music selection on a boat

Some friends of mine like to rent a boat every year and go enjoy a quiet day of nice summer weather on a nice lake. One friend brought a stereo with her this year and asked everybody, "What kind of tunes does everyone want to listen to?"

I told her, "Pon-tunes!"

Groans were had by everyone else on the boat.

Edit: We were on a pontoon boat, not a pond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/admiralkit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
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I wrote this while laughing at my daughters eye rolling.

To the tune of Row row row your boat.Roll roll roll your eyes because you are a teen. Your Mother and Father are very dumb and you know everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Speedbump71
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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My kid complained because the t.v in the backseat of my van stopped working and he couldnt watch Dexters Lab.

I turned up the music and said "Here are some car tunes for you, son".

He started to cry and my wife yelled at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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What’s the difference between a fish, guitar, and a pot of glue?

β€œYou can tune a guitar but you can’t tune a fish”

β€œWhat about the pot of glue”

β€œI knew you’d get stuck on that”

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InstaMemesBad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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What's the difference between a piano, fish and glue

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish

πŸ‘︎ 850
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do choirs keep buckets handy?

So they can carry their tune

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Dad - what's the difference between a piano, tuna and some glue?

Me: Don't know?

Dad: You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you'd get stuck on that!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nibblemarble
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepingBoyo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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My friend dropped this one on me today

Friend: What's the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

Me: What?

Friend: You can't tune a bench but you can Tuna fish!

Me: (Confused) What about the glue?

Friend: I thought you'd get stuck on that!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poerflip23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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What type of music is best for fishing?

Any catchy tune should help!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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What fish is the best at music?

A tune-a

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharkdetective
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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