I Went to a Frog Funeral Today

He lived a good life, it was just too bad he croaked so young.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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What has more lives than a cat? …

… the frog in my garden. It croaks every night!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What is a frogs favourite soda

Croak-a cola

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amunethann
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Why did the frog take the bus to work today ?

His car got toad away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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What's a frogs favourite soda?

Croak-a-cola

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What do frogs get high on?

Croak-aine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/195236
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

It gets toad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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What happened to frog who parked illegally?

... He got toad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuIius_Seizure95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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What’s an alcoholic frog’s favorite game?

Hopscotch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What did a frog say to another frog after it told a joke

That really croaked me up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GordonK928
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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What did the frog do when he contracted coronavirus?

He croaked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tradyk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilCuntBoyXD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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What happened to the frog after his car died?

It was toad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverShad0vv
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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What nationality do frogs naturally have?

I don't really know, but I think they are a tad polish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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So a frog's cousin went to a bar....

... on Friday night and parked in a zone that allowed 24 hour parking on weekends, but only 2 hour parking during the week. While he was there, a family member slipped something into his drink and sold him to a gang that traffics in frog legs. After the amputation he was taken to a hospital. He woke up to his mother telling him him the story you just read. He was a bit froggy from the sedatives, so he said "whaaaa?".

She replied: "I to'd you, toad, you got towed because you we're de-toed by de toad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakkamakka
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Cats may have nine lives

But frogs croak every night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Why was the toad not able to make it across the road.

He croaked.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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"Kiss me and I'll turn int a beautiful princess," said the frog to my friend. He kissed it...

And croaked because it was a poison arrow frog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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How did the frog hide from Voldemort ?

He used his invisible croak. Lol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiiampeoples
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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What did Kermit say when Jim Henson died?

Nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustJosh724
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
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I accidentally swallowed a frog and went to the hospital right away.....

.....the doctor said I could croak at any moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A croak tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dam_demigodess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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What’s a frogs favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WriteAmongWrong
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Scientists have recently engineered a new species of frog that have become immortal after removing their vocal cords

They can’t croak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hidoshigo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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My sister asked me why there's frogs everywhere in summer but she never sees them in the winter

I said they're probably using invisibility croaks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theycallmeDamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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Did you hear about that deathly ill frog?

He ended up croaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Din0_B0t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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Did you hear what happened to the frogs last night?

They all croaked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/White-and-Nerdy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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A dad joke story

Jim was working hard sawing wood. It was hot, his hands slippery with sweat and the saw slipped from his fingers and cut off all of his toes. No ambulences were available so he called a toe truck, but he got there too late. His toes could no longer be reattached. He could not walk right, so he could not work. He got workers comp but it wasn't enough. Worst of all, his wife was lack toes intolerant. She filed for separation. He looked online for solutions to his problems and found a post telling him where he may find an answer. It said "Go to the forest late at night and wait in the glade. There you will find the Great Toed. He is wise in these matters." Having nothing to lose he followed the instructions and reached the glade spoken of. There was a line drawn that said "wait here." And wait he did for over an hour, and just as he was about to leave, a many toed toad toed the other side of the line with a bag in tow. "Ask your question," it said in a raspy voice. So Jim related his tale of toe woes. After listening the many toed toad replied "Have you tried the supermarket?" Jim wondered how a supermarket would help but decided to give it a try. He went the next morning and walked down aisle after aisle and then he found it: The supermarket was giving away free toes. Elated, he grabbed as many bags of them as he could and checked each one. He found enough that fit, but needed to attach them. He went back to the glade for help getting the new toes attached, and the toad was happy to help. He helped attach the new toes and jim ran off (little did Jim know that the toad croaked soon after) He was able to walk normal again, his wife came back, he got his job back and everyone lived happily ever after.

Oh the punch line? It's over there by the table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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You guys hear what happened to the 100 year old toad?

He croaked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabidwombats96
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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Dad's "joke of the week"

I little boy asks his grandfather, β€œGrandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?” Gramps says, β€œI think so, why are you asking”. The little boy says, β€œMy mom said when you croak, we can go to Disneyland”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/411inthe412
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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What drink is popular in frog land?

....Croak-a-cola..!

Thanks dad!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2016
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Dadjoked my fiancee pretty hard the other day...

We were riding in the car and drove past a dead animal the other day...

Fiancee: "Did I tell you about the time I hit a frog while driving?... It was so gross. I didn't go back to see if it was still alive though."

Me: "I bet it croaked."

Groans were had, to say the least...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beer_knurd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2015
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Sometimes Dad joke delivery guy with slightly poor taste

So I work in a pet store, and today we received 3 frogs that sadly didn't make it to the store alive.

So I'm looking at the frogs trying to figure out if they were in fact DOA. and he walks up to me handing me the sheet..

"Aw the poor guys didn't make it?"

"No, it doesn't look like it. How sad."

"Yeah, I guess you could say....they croaked."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CokeyCola
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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How do you kill a frog?

Squeeze it until it croaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4ver1k
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2013
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Who has more lives than a cat?

A frog. They croak every night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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What's a frogs favourite drink?

Croak-a-Cola

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greeknicko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CixelsydDb4d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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What do toads drink?

Croak-a-Cola

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverfin426
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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What type of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XCburg08
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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What is the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has 9 lives, but a frog croaks every day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Numpkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog - it croaks every night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/young_jerm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2014
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