Fiasko.
Although, it’s actually a big plus
Two in the front. Two in the back. How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
You open the door and see an elephant. How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
When the door doesn't quite close. How do you know when there's three elephants in the fridge?
They giggle when the light goes out. How do you know there's four elephants in the fridge?
There's an empty mini-cooper parked in your drive!
There's no more mister Wi-Fi
“I’d be beside myself,” was my response.
All thanks to Weird AL.
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my margarita out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat.
All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
I'm making a living, barrelly.
To do this they have think outside the bawks.
Condescending
What he needs is a night of rest and re-Cooperation.
Wonderful guy, terrible cabinet maker.
Edit: thanks for the updoots and awards! You made my Reddit cake day! 😁
everyone says look at that little "S" car go!
Chicken tenders?
...absolutely buzzing
They called it "Snitches get stitches"
They charged one and let the other one off.
Or what I like to call COVID.
They make up everything.
I was proud.
because one good tern deserves another.
I said, “Now that’s what I call a ca-cough-ony!”
I guess you could call him Bradley Blooper
She said, "Where are my keys? I'm leaving!"
I said, "I don't know."
A Minnie van.
Cooperation
It was in-tents.
Went to a specialist garage for Mini Cooper's heavy as they had good reviews. This morning my girlfriend was asking about it and said: 'Were they Mini specialists?'
Proud with how quickly I came back with: Nope, just regular sized actually!'
A group of fifth graders are visiting our school he asks the kids "Hey did Mr. O(5th grade music teacher) ever tell you we went to college. It was me him and Abraham Lincoln in class"
One of his favorites "What side of the dog has the most fur?" "The Outside"
Whenever a kid asks "Can I go to the bathroom?" He always answers with "Only a Dr. Can tell you that." He does is so much that when A child says may I go to the bathroom he still does it without thinking. Most students stopped asking to go to the bathroom or ask me.
Its been a great few months of these, I'll add more to the comments as I think of them.
The cop got out to inspect the car, when he smelled something decaying. Instantly, the cop pulled his gun and asked Schrodinger to get out with his hands up.
Prof. Schrodinger cooperated and got out. “What’s the matter officer?”
“Open the trunk! Slowly!” The cop demanded.
Schrodinger paled. “No officer, you’ll ruin my experiment!”
The officer took the safety off his gun, now alarmed. “Open it! Now!”
The professor sighed, but opened his trunk. Instantly the smell of decaying flesh filled the air, but the officer was startled. “That’s a dead cat!”
Schrodinger sighed. “Yes, there is one now.”
(No cats were actually harmed in this!)
"In honor of this celebration, I'd like to quote the late 20th century philosopher A. Cooper:
School...is out... For summer.
School...is out... Forever.
Let's reflect on these words in our moments together today. Thank you."
The policeman was trying to put his young son down for a nap, but the boy wasn't cooperating.
"Do I need to call for backup?" the dad asked. "'Cuz it seems you're resisting a rest!"
One of the French outposts refused to cooperate with the others.
It was the rogue fort.
My son and I do a cooperative pre-k. There's a class of 8 kids and two parents rotate every 4 weeks to help. Yesterday was my day.
We're doing a craft with glue and my son got some glue on my shirt.
> Pre-K teacher: Oh look, nyran20 and his son are bonding!
Wife was making some Greek sandwiches for lunch today and the pita bread wasn't cooperating.
Wife: "This pita bread is terrible."
Me: "Yup, it's awfully pita-ful."
Wife sighs.
Me: "What? That was awesome!"
me: I accidentally added Poison by Alice Cooper to my Christian playlist...I'm dying
him: Poison will do that to you.
Vladimir eating a bean burrito.
Facepalm dad.
He also had one and I will quote:
"What do Dateline, Anderson Cooper 360 & 20/20 have in common?"
"I don't know dad. Can we just have lunch?"
"The first two are news shows and the third is what your mother drank for breakfast....Get it? Like MadDog 20/20."
Then, arm to God, he went
I don’t mean to be a Grinch and impede on the holiday spirit. However, those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has red and blue flashing lights?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays🎄.
