My pun compulsion continues...

Friend: I had a dream about a dragon last night. Its name was Fire Fawcett.

Me: It's too bad its name wasn't Uther, since it was a PUNdragon.

Friend: ...

Me: *bows*

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/yethica
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I know how you feel about my compulsion to mention edible footwear,

but could we taco boot it later?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWonderland18
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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My wife told me she is a compulsive liar

I'm not sure whether to believe her or not.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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My wife thinks I compulsively buy tools. I tell her it's really not a big deal....

It's my vice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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I was attacked by a gang of people with Obsessive–compulsive disorder.

It was organized crime.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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I'm attending a self-help group for compulsive talkers

It's called on and on anon

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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My wife divorced me because I'm a compulsive gambler...

All I can think about is how to win her back!

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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I have a compulsive habit of obliterating album CD's of classic hard rock bands

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinoxal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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My wife doesn't talk too much, but she LOVES to chat, so I'm joining a support group for compulsive talkers:

On-And-On Anon

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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What do you call a computer belonging to a compulsive masturbator?

A fap-top

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/chebalebs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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I found this new rock band that has obsessive compulsive disorder

They're called OCDC

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Help
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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What are the symptoms of a compulsive liar?

I don't have connection to the internet so I can't check.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I've always been a bit obsessive compulsive when it comes to wiping my butt...

...I'm seriously anal about it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoyoteBible
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2016
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Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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My first confirmed dadjoke. I wasn't even trying...

I have twin daughters, and when I know they're hungry I always pick one up and say "Hey! You feel a little light, you must be hungry!" Now I feel a strange compulsion to do it every time.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ‘€︎ u/Queefnoodle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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My wife divorced me because I’m a compulsive gambler...

All I can think about is how to win her back.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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