True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.
They said it was grounds for termination.
Company password
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacremento"
When asked why they had such a long password, the employee rolled their eyes and said "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital!"
Is there a company that’ll deliver food to your old girlfriend?
- I once got fired from a canned juice company.
- I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...
I'm the main stake holder.
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...
...lately, he's been feeling down.
A dwarf has started a company selling inhabitable Star Trek spaceships
It’s a small scale enterprise
Have you heard about the vacuum company's new CEO?
They hired him because of his good business Vacuumen.
My daughter said she wanted to work for a company that had a great culture.
I tried gluing my company's HR policies to myself, but they wouldn't stick...
I guess the rules don't apply to me.
What company does an anti vax chef work for?
Jay-Z has invested in a digital security company.
He's got ninety-nine problems but a breach ain't one.
It shares border with more states than any other. Missouri loves company.
I proposed to my girlfriend, who is the VP of marketing at her company.
I work as a quality control specialist for my local toothpaste company
every tube so far has been in mint condition
What kinds of countries do soft drink companies make?
Our Tea Company only allows men in the quality control department. It is a requirement,
My job application was rejected by a juice company...
I shouldn’t have mentioned my solid experience.
Just signed up for my company’s 401k!
I’m kinda nervous though...I’ve never ran that far before.
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.
They call it mourning wood.
Why do companies prefer people with only one arm instead of people with both arms?
Because people with only one arm can do everything single-handedly
Ever since the power company shut off my electricity
I’ve been in a very dark place.
Why wasn't the scuba diver invited to the company's executive beach party?
Because he was below C-level.
What do medical insurance companies call an elective procedure?
What's a fancy term for coders being poached from a company?
I’m thinking of starting an innovative condom manufacturing company.
Decided to call it Lay Techs.
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
What shoe company brought back the popularity of baroque music?
Berlin transport company know their memes
The Boring Company
What a dull name for a drilling company. Why didn’t Musk partner up with the founder of Microsoft and call it ‚Elon-Gates Tunnels‘?
What does Sean Connery, a playground, a concrete company, baseball, and folks without technology have in common
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
The Ford Motor Company suspects r/wallstreetbets is to blame...
...for the order of 1,000 Caramel Mach-E autos.
So they are putting the order on hold.
What did Charles Dickens name his cough drop company?
Took an airline company to court today after my luggage went missing
A man goes into a pet store to buy a puppy to keep his horses company in their stable.
"What's the best breed for horses like those you'd see in the old west movies," he asks the owner, "my mares are just like that." The owner thinks for a minute, then replies "Dachshund."
The man is surprised, and replies "are you sure about that? I was picturing something bigger that wouldn't get trampled on." The owner nods, and says "Yup, it's just like the movies - if you want your horses to behave, you get a long little doggie."
My company keeps asking me to sign up for a 401k.
There's no way I could run that far.
A tire company got hit hard by the pandemic.
First off, not many people were buying tires, as they were driving less. Then the warehouse got robbed. To add insult to injury, the place caught on fire. For them it really hasn’t been a Goodyear.
Pest control companies...
Do they all have a lice-nse?
Q: Which US State loves company?
The first company to rename their dinner rolls "gravy mops" is really going to clean up.
When Gandalf was asked why his company was so successful.
He gave all the credit to his incredible staff.
My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company....
I am now the main stake holder.
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