What do you call a French rat with a machine gun?
Rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-touille
What is a machine guns' favorite breakfast meal?
What's the difference between Boba Fett and a time machine driven by Marty McFly?
One is a Mandolorian the other is a manned DeLorean.
Why did coffee start carrying a gun?
Because it gets mugged every day
(Courtesy of my 10 year old).
If Tesla made a gun, what would it be called?
What did Sir Patrick Stewart say to his sewing machine repair person?
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines
My friend writes and sings songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter.
Why did the coach smash the vending machine?
Because he wanted his quarter back
Did you hear about the T-rex who sells guns?
He's a small arms dealer.
Did you know that dogs can't operate an MRI machine?
A friend of mine got trapped in an upholstery machine at work.
He's fully recovered now.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!"
As a family with hereditary alopecia, my great uncle used to make us all wigs on an old weaving machine. Now he’s died we can’t bin it
…It’s a family hairloom
Yeeeah you saw it coming, but you still clicked.
There's a reason why I only buy my guns from a Tyrannosaurus rex.
He's the best small arms dealer I know.
My wife suggested we get a rowing machine...
We've been much happier since then as the machine now does all the arguing for us 😊
Did you know my grandmother wrote a jingle for a famous sewing machine company?
She was a Singer songwriter
Did you get about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine?
He is fully recovered now
What do you call an ionic compound carrying a gun?
A salt with a deadly weapon
Who is the action star that is made of machine?
My friend fired a toy gun and shouted "BNAG!"
I thought "that's bang out of order"
Laser guns are disgusting—they never wash themselves and I have proof:
They all say PU when they shoot
Note: My 11 year old made this
Why did the cannibal go to the gun shop?
He heard they dealt in arms
What do you call someone who gets stuck on a rollercoaster, with a low IQ, who hasn’t shaved in a week, and has an extensive collection of Nerf guns?
A stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking, Nerf hoarder.
My son was born yesterday and is in the NICU. [META]
What are your best dad jokes? Whoever tells me the funniest one will have the honor of knowing their dad joke was my first as a dad.
Edit: there are two winners.
The first is one I told to my wife. It is about him being born with 4 kidneys but two of them will become adult knees. Thank you u/cabbithunt
The second I told me son. "There are two fish in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says 'I'll drive you man the guns.'" Thank you u/kiabe1
Edit 2: After two weeks in the NICU, we have convinced the doctors to let us upgraded to the wireless home version. Thank you all for your well wishes and jokes.
I have a joke about sniper rifles, but im not very familiar with guns.
So i fear its beyond my scope.
Did you hear Chuck Norris keeps a gun in his beard?
They say he calls it his chin strap.
I want to set up cloning machine in your house too
A white noise machine
A guy walks into a bar and orders a double espresso. "What's with the espresso order? You know we don't serve that," the bartender says. "I'm just exhausted. My wife got one of those white noise machines for the bedroom," the guy says. "Originally I was okay with it. But it turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought."
A police raid found $500,000 from a man's washing machine.
He was arrested on suspicion of money laundering.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Ratted out my neighbor when I discovered a lot of cash hidden in his washing machine
He managed to run a full cycle before the cops got into his house. Now they‘be got no choice but to let him go… turns out the money’s clean
A mate of mine just got a washing machine which is WiFi enabled
I told him not to let it on social media or it'll air all his dirty laundry
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?
Trust me, I'm a pun "machine".
If robots became sentient and one attacks you, couldn't it be...
Charged with battery?
What do you call a sheep that uses guns.
My weighing machine was stolen from my bathroom.
I am launching a full-scale investigation.
My sewing machine went to Hogwarts and was immediately picked to be Seeker.
How does the group that drives The Mystery Machine make their drinks cold?
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines
I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines.
He's a singer songwriter...or sew it seams.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
Did ya hear about the T-Rex who sold guns?
He was a small arms dealer...
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
Dogs can't operate MRI machines
Dogs are unable to operate a MRI machine...
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
