My cell phone got drunk.

It took too many screenshots.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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How can you get drunk using your cell phone?

Take a lot of screen shots!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrankEOG
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I have designed a way to combine cell phone and moving stair technologies. Want to know what it’s called?

Tellulater.

I had to pull of the road to post this cause I’ve been laughing at myself for the last 5 miles.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock....

Don't let it replace your family.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small cell phone?

A microphone

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theodore3216
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cell phone have to wear glasses?

Because it lost its contacts

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺHow do you make your cell phone smarter? ‬ β€ͺ

Turn up the brightness. ‬

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I use my cell phone as an alarm clock.

I call it Veriz'n shine..

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chowderneck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The real reason new cell phones break easy is because of gravity.

No phone back then was subject to multiple Gs and now we're up to 5G!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leebo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Cell phone
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanaelmaalm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and 2yo were just watching Paw Patrol. There is a cow mooing into a cell phone to video chat with the team to ask for help for a cat stuck on the roof.

I told my wife "That cat would have way more grip on roof shingles and I expect more I realism from talking cartoon cows. This is "UDDERLY" ridiculous."

She may have buried her head and avoided eye contact for a bit. I was proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trich101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Cell Phone Box
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omgitsmint
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Do they use cell phones in prison?
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hesso921
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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What was the cell phone provider's baby's first word ?

DA TA

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the first African cell phone user say to other African cell phone user?

Kenya here me now?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How come cell phones don’t wear glasses?

Because they have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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Why can't you choose Latin as your default cell phone language?

Because the Roman charges are too much!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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They call it a CELL phone for a reason...
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manxperson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?

They weren’t on the port side of the ship.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fake cell phone?

Phony!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oftenoffend
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you get cell phone service when you're naked?

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

πŸ‘︎ 602
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
New Cell Phone Store

A new cell phone store just opened in an abandoned car dealership building.

Now the sign out front reads Nokia.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raven21633
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
If your cell phone's battery is dead, throw it into a cow pasture

This is helpful because the bull charges.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don’t cell phones work in a cemetery?

They are dead zones

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/an0m_x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I wish the Master Sword could be used as a cell phone for Link.

At least there'd be a one-time only Fi...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsaFrozen2013
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I opened my cell phone to see the battery

And the battery was the mitophonedria

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drolkradeht
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My cell phone provider announced that they were going to provide me with unlimited data, then they texted me this...
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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Was asked by sister to call her cell phone so she could find it. I decided it was dad joke time instead.

So my sister asked me to call her cell phone, so i of coarse said "here cell phone here come out cell phone". She then yelled at me and said "nooooooo use your cell phone to call mine", i said "yes of coarse how silly of me". I then went to get my cell phone, i then made a recording of my self calling for her cell phone, i proceeded to go back to her and play it. My sister was not amused and i laughed to hard.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kup123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Why was Spartacus' cell phone bill so high?

Because he was always Roman.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend simultaneously gave up coffee and finally bought a cell phone yesterday

He decided to switch to tea/mobile.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of cell phone doesn't have a lock?

A Nokia

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxZenythxX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Two cell phones got married

The ceremony wasn't that great but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agenttux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
I just put my cell phone on airplane mode

Biggest disappointment of my life. It didn't fly anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bebop0420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did no one enjoy the cell phone's wedding?

The reception was terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twelvebars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
🚨︎ report
You can't use cell phones on airplanes

But you're so close to the cloud.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reallysuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Me: Which is the Empire's preferred cell phone carrier?

Leia: I don't kn-

Me: AT&AT

Leia: ...

@DadJokeDarth

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJokeDarth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad's care about safety! Don't drive on your cell phone

It will break

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tavroHoB
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
How did cell phones change the world?

Single handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
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I have decided that I am going to invent a steam-powered cell phone.

That way, when someone asks me to send a picture, I can tell them that I can't because I have low selfie steam.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elebrin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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This is how my dad answers his cell phone whenever I call...

"Myrtle's Girdle Shop. Stretchy speaking!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoTeamJosh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
🚨︎ report
I saw one of those selfie cell phone holders the other day and thought that it should be called:

The Narcissus Stick.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mskulker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Be careful when reading the Bible on your cell phone.

You don't want to have to pay Roman charges. It could lead to some bad Acts.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Cell phone ring tones

So we are sitting at the dinner table and a phone makes a noise in the background. My mom says "was that me?! And my dad responds "I dunno! I've never heard you make that noise before!"

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cateyecarlos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
🚨︎ report
Everytime someone else's cell phone rings near me...

Me: "Tell them I'm not here."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpariury
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
🚨︎ report
cell phone

chit chatting with co workers. one of them is getting a new cell phone and asked for suggestions. i told him to get a 4G cell phone because its for G's.

some of them don't understand hood speak and didn't get it, but i achieved a few groans.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup__bruh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
🚨︎ report

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