How do you know that carbon molecules are liars?

Because they make up everything

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacobWesleyMartin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2022
🚨︎ report
I dream of swimming in a fruit-flavored carbonated beverage

It's probably a Fanta sea though.

πŸ‘︎ 421
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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2022
🚨︎ report
i heard you can get carbon and iron half off if you buy them as an alloy

what a steel

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_one_shark
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2022
🚨︎ report
the world is made up of 70% water but its not carbonated...

So the earth is flat....

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2022
🚨︎ report
Two Carbon atoms are sitting next to each other at the bar

One looks at the other and say "I think I just lost an electron!!" The other says "Are you sure??!!" Atom looks back and says "Yup, I'm positive"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeheel4life
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2022
🚨︎ report
The surface of the earth is approx 70% water. None of it is carbonated.

Proving the earth is flat.

πŸ‘︎ 392
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garyfire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
🚨︎ report
Carbon atoms worried too much and transformed into diamonds

It was under alot of pressure

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kneecaps1984
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2022
🚨︎ report
I don't have a problem if you're trans. I don't have a problem if you're fat.

But if you're a trans fat, I'm going to avoid you.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmpireStrikes1st
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2022
🚨︎ report
A man recently died when a periodic table display fell on him...

The official cause of death was "Exposure to the Elements".

πŸ‘︎ 461
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2022
🚨︎ report
What's the best place to go for your daily serving of potassium, fluorine, and carbon?

KFC

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ITypeWithMyNose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2022
🚨︎ report
Just picked up a tonne of carbon and iron for five bucks

Steel!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragon_M4st3r
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2022
🚨︎ report
My kid just came up to me and asked if the Earth was flat. I told him no, but he shook his head.

β€œDad, the Earth is 71 percent water, and nearly all of it is uncarbonated.”

(He really made this up. ONE OF US)

An edit for the doubters: He was drinking a Fanta and we were watching Prehistoric Planet together when he thought up the basic idea. I helped him with the punchline, because he was having trouble making it land (he’s 11, and more mechanically-minded than artsy, if you know what I mean, so he needed help on the phrasing).

It’s not a super complicated joke, so of course it’s not new, but hey, he’s 11. Good job, kid.

πŸ‘︎ 874
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skurttish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2022
🚨︎ report
why do archaeologists keep telling me I can date carbon?

she isn’t returning any of my calls :(

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadeandobsidian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2022
🚨︎ report
This afternoon my son told me that Ducati is selling carbon-fiber racing boots.

I told him that if he bought me some I could lower my carbon footprint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seattledandy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2022
🚨︎ report
I don't have a carbon footprint.

I just drive everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lava_Wolf_68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife said she wanted a new diamond so I gave her a stone.

I hold her if she holds on to it as hard as she does the past, she would have one.

πŸ‘︎ 339
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MostDownVotesPlz
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2022
🚨︎ report
Why did the carbon atoms on the boat throw up?

They got a little C6 [cee-six, sea sick]

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puddle_unhinged
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2022
🚨︎ report
I don't know what carbon dating is...

But, I'll try anything at this point.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
🚨︎ report
Dating between carbon descendants
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dattara
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Carbon dating
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Carbon dating app?

It's called Timber.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynoduesp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I work long boring hours in a carbonated soft drinks factory.

It's Soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berkleysquare
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2022
🚨︎ report
In love with Carbon
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I liked Carbon…

Before she was Coal

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a doctor who only prescribes carbonated beverages?

A Fizzy-ologist

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dotkodi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell a joke about sodium, but

Na…

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2022
🚨︎ report
Here’s how I know the Earth is flat: 71% of the Earth’s surface is water…

And none of it is carbonated.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Present_6508
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2022
🚨︎ report
Looking for electricity pun/punch line ideas

I'm writing an article about lithium-ion battery energy storage systems (ESS). The article talks highly of ESSs and the positive impact this technology will have in transitioning our energy grid to net neutral carbon emissions.

The last sentence of the article is currently "in short, the future for how we build cities is charged with potential."

Anyone have a better pun/punch line idea for this sentence?

Not sure if this is appropriate for this sub but if not, let me know if there's anywhere I can post this. Thanks a lot :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TakExplores
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do archaeologists get all the girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond

it's just pressured into it

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard there was quarrel between Carbon alloys

I bet it was graphite.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbsxact7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m in favor of three-carbon alkanes.

I’m pro-pane!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I stopped walking on coal to limit my carbon footprint
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dutch_Midget
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A tree’s wood is 50% carbon, 42% oxygen, 6% hydrogen, 1% nitrogen

You can call it a chemis-tree

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wergio256
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a constipated android eat?

Carbon fiber.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_A_Rye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2022
🚨︎ report
The Carbon Monoxide detector went of last night,

Can't say I remember why though.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the moron run coal on his feet?

He wanted to see what his carbon footprint looked like

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pookells
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a feline paralyzed from drinking carbonated water?

Catatonic

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
iron told carbon a joke so funny...

that he decided to steel it

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tac_force_knife
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The surface of the earth is 70 percent water. None of it carbonated.

Proving the earth is flat.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevekimes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
🚨︎ report
The earth is approximately 70% water and it isn't carbonated

So technically, the earth is flat.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amydaynow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2021
🚨︎ report
The Earth is made up of 70% water and it’s uncarbonated..

So it’s technically flat.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l0st_cause
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2022
🚨︎ report
The earth is 70% water and uncarbonated.

Which technically makes the earth flat.

πŸ‘︎ 658
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YellowSalmonberry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that you can buy iron and carbon for just one alloy.

What a steel!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that you can buy iron and carbon for the price of just one alloy?

What a steel

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baumichkeit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2021
🚨︎ report
70% of the Earth is covered in water.

It’s not carbonated.

Therefore, the earth is flat.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BryanP1968
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2022
🚨︎ report
The Earth is flat

Over 70% of its surface is water, and none of it is carbonated.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueMageTheWizard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
🚨︎ report

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