I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Thanks for your patience on this one! I was sick.
Mike figures out that by outside baggage claim Ximena meant outside, so he takes his bags for a walk and finds her, wearing the classiest pair of stilts to meet feet outside of a voguing competition.
Mike: (Stares.)
Ximena: (Blinks.)
“I’m starting to think this language thing is going to be an issue,” Mike admits.
Ximena has been to the Caleb School of Greetings, and notes that Mike is pretty adorable, but shorter than she expected.
“When he said he looked like an elf, I thought Legolas,” Ximena explains. “I did not realize he meant in a workshop building toys.”
After a quiet cab ride, their silence is interrupted by a call that Mike deletes a bit too quickly. No one keeps their phone that tidy. Ximena lobs a few suspicious questions in his direction, which makes Mike happy, since he sees it as a woman rubbing her armpits on his head before the other she-people rally to claim his thoughts.
“Yes. The questions about this phone call are very romantic. Very.” Jasmine wants to remind you she’s not fucking around. “He should not have a phone, or eyes.”
They stop for lunch, and it’s clear that Mike’s understanding of Spanish is limited to what he could glean from Legos instructions.
“This is a drink!” Mike begins, wondering if the waitress lied to him about the promised alcohol content. “Traffic New York eat tired, yes, work.”
“Yes. Te amo,” Ximena falls back on old ideas, while growing increasingly uncomfortable with Mike and his zero preguntas and no habla of the espanol, and his weird fish pucker that suggests his interest in another kiss. They agree that solutions are for assholes, so they just stare into the void like the mom from Get Out stirred them into her creepcup and then ordered them to sink.
“I just know I’m going to wake up with an old man inside of me,” Ximena says as she hunts for a camera flash.
Mike’s first ever 37 hour day continues, as lunch is chased by the surprising news that he’ll be meeting Ximena’s entire extended family.
“I think her second cousins are even here,” Mike’s never been more grateful for the language barrier. “I didn’t bring enough toys. Even if everyone only takes one marker.”
Juan and Harold are nervous at first, but both are super happy to meet Mike.
“He’s like a dad, but there’s no bars,” Harold has thoughts.
Despite the sweetness of this intro, those rascals at 90DF can’t resist zooming in on Mike’s arm around Harold, like he’s Woody All
... keep reading on reddit ➡Disclaimer, this is a fanfic only, all credit belongs to u/BlueFishcake alone.
also this is my first time self editing so f anything is messed up or if there's an error please leave a comment
if dialogue is Bold they're talking in Trade Shil and if dialogue is Italicized then the MC is talking internally to his AI
First / Prev - NSFW / Next
The Waking
Date point: 7 months, 9 Days - After Invasion
Location: Formally Heathrow International Airport - Currently the Imperial HQ of European Operations
It’s a bright sunny afternoon and Imizael’s personal craft has landed, but its occupants are still nestled in around the still sleeping human, as while they’re enjoying the situation they have to face reality.
As the silence it distured by Miralana’s Omni-pad vibrating, she slowly extercates herself from the pile and retrieving it, the other three give her a questioning look as she whispers a curse “Oh Damn” now wearing a pissed off expression “we’ve got that meeting soon.”
Both Gly’nrie and Shal’endra are now fully awake with a look of panic as they realise that they’ll have to get back to London, as their volume increases, Imizael shushes them and hisses “You can use the Comm suite in the main room!,” Gly’nrie and Shal’endra slowly rose and the three were about to walkout into the main room until there's the sound of Imizael snapping her fingers to get their attention.
They turned as one and saw her pointing at the personal cleansing unit, and whispered “Get cleaned up first and you can use my clothes” this seemed to relieve the trio as they lumbered their way over and in turn whispered their ‘thanks’.
Some time later they emerged and raided her wardrobe and made their way out, as a technician waited for them to get set up.
--
At about the same time elsewhere.
In a conference room of an nondescript office block in London's Shil’vati District a number of older human males and females were mingling about, these few are the last surviving members of the Government of Great Britain & Northern Ireland w
... keep reading on reddit ➡Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
And boy are my arms legs.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
Thanks for your patience! I was sick.
Mike figures out that by outside baggage claim Ximena meant outside, so he takes his bags for a walk and finds her, wearing the classiest pair of stilts to meet feet outside of a voguing competition.
Mike: (Stares.)
Ximena: (Blinks.)
“I’m starting to think this language thing is going to be an issue,” Mike admits.
Ximena has been to the Caleb School of Greetings, and notes that Mike is pretty adorable, but shorter than she expected.
“When he said he looked like an elf, I thought Legolas,” Ximena explains. “I did not realize he meant in a workshop building toys.”
After a quiet cab ride, their silence is interrupted by a call that Mike deletes a bit too quickly. No one keeps their phone that tidy. Ximena lobs a few suspicious questions in his direction, which makes Mike happy, since he sees it as a woman rubbing her armpits on his head before the other she-people rally to claim his thoughts.
“Yes. The questions about this phone call are very romantic. Very.” Jasmine wants to remind you she’s not fucking around. “He should not have a phone, or eyes.”
They stop for lunch, and it’s clear that Mike’s understanding of Spanish is limited to what he could glean from Legos instructions.
“This is a drink!” Mike begins, wondering if the waitress lied to him about the promised alcohol content. “Traffic New York eat tired, yes, work.”
“Yes. Te amo,” Ximena falls back on old ideas, while growing increasingly uncomfortable with Mike and his zero preguntas and no habla of the espanol, and his weird fish pucker that suggests his interest in another kiss. They agree that solutions are for assholes, so they just stare into the void like the mom from Get Out stirred them into her creepcup and then ordered them to sink.
“I just know I’m going to wake up with an old man inside of me,” Ximena says as she hunts for a camera flash.
Mike’s first ever 37 hour day continues, as lunch is chased by the surprising news that he’ll be meeting Ximena’s entire extended family.
“I think her second cousins are even here,” Mike’s never been more grateful for the language barrier. “I didn’t bring enough toys. Even if everyone only takes one marker.”
Juan and Harold are nervous at first, but both are super happy to meet Mike.
“He’s like a dad, but there’s no bars,” Harold has thoughts.
Despite the sweetness of this intro, those rascals at 90DF can’t resist zooming in on Mike’s arm around Harold, like he’s Woody Allen looking f
... keep reading on reddit ➡Friends, I was so sick this week. Not even kittens could cure it. Without further ado:
Mike figures out that by outside baggage claim Ximena meant outside, so he takes his bags for a walk and finds her, wearing the classiest pair of stilts to meet feet outside of a voguing competition.
Mike: (Stares.)
Ximena: (Blinks.)
“I’m starting to think this language thing is going to be an issue,” Mike admits.
Ximena has been to the Caleb School of Greetings, and notes that Mike is pretty adorable, but shorter than she expected.
“When he said he looked like an elf, I thought Legolas,” Ximena explains. “I did not realize he meant in a workshop building toys.”
After a quiet cab ride, their silence is interrupted by a call that Mike deletes a bit too quickly. No one keeps their phone that tidy. Ximena lobs a few suspicious questions in his direction, which makes Mike happy, since he sees it as a woman rubbing her armpits on his head before the other she-people rally to claim his thoughts.
“Yes. The questions about this phone call are very romantic. Very.” Jasmine wants to remind you she’s not fucking around. “He should not have a phone, or eyes.”
They stop for lunch, and it’s clear that Mike’s understanding of Spanish is limited to what he could glean from Legos instructions.
“This is a drink!” Mike begins, wondering if the waitress lied to him about the promised alcohol content. “Traffic New York eat tired, yes, work.”
“Yes. Te amo,” Ximena falls back on old ideas, while growing increasingly uncomfortable with Mike and his zero preguntas and no habla of the espanol, and his weird fish pucker that suggests his interest in another kiss. They agree that solutions are for assholes, so they just stare into the void like the mom from Get Out stirred them into her creepcup and then ordered them to sink.
“I just know I’m going to wake up with an old man inside of me,” Ximena says as she hunts for a camera flash.
Mike’s first ever 37 hour day continues, as lunch is chased by the surprising news that he’ll be meeting Ximena’s entire extended family.
“I think her second cousins are even here,” Mike’s never been more grateful for the language barrier. “I didn’t bring enough toys. Even if everyone only takes one marker.”
Juan and Harold are nervous at first, but both are super happy to meet Mike.
“He’s like a dad, but there’s no bars,” Harold has thoughts.
Despite the sweetness of this intro, those rascals at 90DF can’t resist zooming in on Mike’s a
... keep reading on reddit ➡Or would that be too forward thinking?
When I got home, they were still there.
