I told my Dad "you should learn from your mistakes"...

He replied: "Well, I haven't learnt anything from you yet."

...thanks Dad -_-

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lastminutecram
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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Queen Elizabeth visited an Edinburgh hospital recently...

She enters a ward full of patients, and notices that theyโ€™re all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness. The Queen approaches a patient and greets him. The patient replies:

โ€œMy heartโ€™s in the Highlands, my heart is not here, My heartโ€™s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.โ€

The Queen is confused, but smiles and moves on to greet the next patient. The patient responds:

โ€œSome hae meat anโ€™ canna eat, And some wad eat thaโ€™ want it, But we hae meat anโ€™ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.โ€

Even more confused, and smiling even more broadly, the Queen moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant:

โ€œMy love is like a red, red rose thatโ€™s newly sprung in June; My love is like the melody thatโ€™s sweetly played in tune.โ€

Now very confused, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, โ€œIs this a psychiatric ward?โ€

โ€œNo, Your Majesty,โ€ replies the doctor. โ€œThis is the serious Burns unit.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fatboyfat1981
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.


I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Primatebuddy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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