Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
Attire
I've got piles
Me, eyebrow raised: “And why is that sweetheart?”
Her: “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.
Proud dad moment.
It was a toot and car moon.
Years ago I thought my “communicator” would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.
Just as I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations...
It’s got a crack in it!
Doctor: I’m sorry to tell you that it is just the tip of the iceberg.
A pain in the ass!
Because it's a Trump-pet
Doctor: Don’t worry, I’ve got some cream for that.
He tried to bury his booty.
It twerks
That's not what I wanted to hear as I was taking down the Christmas decorations...
He brought it home for me to sign. I guess his tan is more important to him. Help. How do I be square with him?
Dad: That is a catastrophe
You don't know? Remind me never to ask you to post a letter
Because of all the mole asses.
Toilet roll. Bum fodder, because it's fodder bum.
(My boyfriend actually made this dad joke, he's not even a dad)
Two old bums were sitting on the corner as I was waiting to cross the street and I overheard this conversation.
Bum 1: what are we gonna eat today?
Bum 2: I thought you were buying food. You got $20 a few days ago.
Bum 1: I'm so poor I forgot to pay attention
Doctor: "I have some cream for that."
