Bruce Bastian Puns

Yesterday I'm killing mudcrabs and Bastian comes over the top with a gruff "they made their choices. So be it..." Confirms my longstanding theory that mudcrabs are foul agents of the Daedra. Now I want a movie where Bruce Willis has to save New York from a mudcrab invasion.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

BamBOO!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Edit (Oct 5th 2021): I'm editing this post to update new shifter books for future people who search this thread (and for my own reference).

I'm looking for books where the MC and/or one (or more) of his harem are shifters including lycanthropy, were-creatures, etc.

There is quite a bit of overlap here with the monster girl subgenre, which I haven't delved into very deeply, but I'm more interested in shifters. If you think a monster girl book doubles well as a shifter novel, feel free to recommend it.

Here are the ones I've read that I really enjoyed:

• Dragon's Justice by Bruce Sentar (Easily my favorite harem novel at the moment. It's just great urban fantasy)

• Valens Legacy by Jan Stryvant (A classic--it's fun--need I say more? It does go off the deep end a little bit after a few books though)

• A Mage's Cultivation by Bruce Sentar (Perhaps the shifters in this are closer to monster girls, but this series is amazing anyway)

• Smilodon by Robert M. Kerns (Not a typical harem book, but the shifter aspects are really great. Is rural fantasy a thing? This is FTB, but the romance is great)

• American Dragons by Aaron Crash (The first dragon shifter series I ever read, and I've read it 3 times now)

• Beast Shifter by Dante King (Features a tiger shifter MC. Love this one)

Here are some that I know about but either haven't read or weren't my favorites:

• Apex Shifter by Marcus Sloss (TBR)

• Class Roar by Sam Hunter (The premise is quite nice and I liked this one. Not my favorite, but it's good)

• Court of the Shifter by Logan Jacobs (Shifter and Vampires. Haven't read yet, but I'll likely come back and edit this after I do)

• Dragon Born by Dante King (I'm reading this one right now, but I'm only a couple chapters in. I like it so far)

• Dragonmancer by Simon Archer (Haven't read. Archer is very hit or miss for me, and there are some unflattering reviews for this one [granted harem reviews aren't to be trusted], but I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually)

• Dragon Breeder by Dante King (Haven't read. Is this shifter?) (I was told this is not shifter)

• Werepanther by Logan Jacobs (I'm midway through reading this as well. Typical Jacobs, so it's fun)

• Werebear Barbarian King by Eric Vall (Haven't read)

• Endangered by LTPC (Haven't read, but this is a web series on literotica)

These are the books that were recommended in this thread:

• **Silver Magi Series

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)