Boy A Puns

On his 21st birthday his dad asked him what he’d like to do. “Go to the bar for a beer”, he said. So they went.

His dad propped his son on the bar. “Beer for my son, please”. The dad poured the beer into his son’s mouth. Two arms sprouted from his neck. “It’s a miracle! Bartender, quick! Grab another beer!”

The son grabbed the second beer with his new arms and drank it. A body grew below his arms. The bartender ran for another beer. The boy drank it and sure enough, two legs sprouted from his torso.

He yelled, “Dad look! I have a body!” In his excitement he ran out of the bar. His dad and the bartender followed and to their horror, watched as the kid ran into the street and got run over by a bus. The dad said, “Oh son, I never thought to teach you to look both ways before crossing the street”.

The bartender said, “Poor kid, should’ve quit while he was ahead”.

Townsfolk see this and comment how horrible it is that the old man with mobility issues walks while the younger boy rides it.

Hearing this the two switch places but other townsfolk say how terrible it is to see the young boy having to walk.

The two thus decide to both ride on the donkey and other townsfolk say how cruel it is to put such a burden on the donkey by having both ride it.

So the two decide to carry the donkey. As they cross a bridge, however, they lose their grip on the donkey and it falls into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story: If you're goal is to please everyone, you can kiss your ass goodbye.

"Why is that Angus?"

They should have gotten a calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer Chameleon - but apparently, they come and go.

S'mores code.

Just a little axe dent.

"Oh, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

The father answers: I want ice cream too son but your mother gave us money only for two beers.

You put it in a cup of water, if it sinks its a girl ant if it floats its boy-ant

Hehe

When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”

The police said it was a very strange staircase.

They were nsync....

Pi-gnocchi-o

(I really wish you could hear how hard I'm laughing to myself)

The Colonel says to the Geordie drummer boy, "They have war drums". The Geordie drummer boy says "Eee the thieving bastards!"

A niche joke for anyone from North-East England.

"That's what they're fighting about."

Now that I'm older, I have Adultneys

Just before the ceremony, the girl broom went to find the boy broom to tell him something. She said, “Guess what?! We’re going to have little whisk brooms!” and the boy broom replied, “How can that be? We’ve never even swept together!”

Because he needed to examine the boy's kid knees.

You read their genre

Now I need a Tetris shot

Cark.

Ciudad!

Which made me sad. cause I wanted to an astronaut.

I came up with it in the Nick of time.

He responded, "Yes."

He loved IPAs

They can both smell it but they can’t eat it.

My wife did not find this humorous.

"Mom? Dad?" he asks. "Some of the kids at school said I look different from you. Are you my real parents?"

His parents smile and say, "You are a Dopp, Ted."

Ted cries.

Because they took one look at me and thought "ah damn!"

The boy asks his father “Dad,are those people setting fire to that building?”. The father replies “Yes, they arson”

He calmed down and even helped me tie the bricks to his ankles.

She rang me up and told me she had a boy and a girl. She asked me for ideas on names. My sister asked, what's a good name for the girl?

I replied, Denise!

Aww that's a good name my sister said. What about the boy?

I replied, Danephew

He just turned a nickel into a 400$ bill

He said: pretty great.

I said: I thought for sure you'd say it's rough.

He said: nah, that'll only get you like 5 upvotes.

It's true! He's a Myster-E. Bunny

It was RUFF!

simpsons

The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

Cark.

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "