They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
Coagulations!
I guess we can call it a typo.
It took an accident with red blood to bring blue to the world.
A pigment maker named Diesbach was trying to create a popular red out of cochineal, an insect still used for red dye in everything from lipstick to ketchup.
He added iron sulfate mixed with potash which we later discovered has a useful element now called potassium.
Anyway, the potash he used was contaminated with animal blood, which contains iron, and rather than creating red, he accidentally invented an affordable, long-lasting true blue.
When it came to making red pigment... he really BLUE it.
But alas, it was in vein
"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."
Emoglobin
Fe-Mail
...that's why they RBC.
Rüdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rüdoff det røde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, Rüdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rüdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
Rüdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
In case they have to draw blood.
Red paint
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.
One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, “one ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!”
Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!
The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.
A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, “Two ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!
The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, “Why do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”
The captain replies, “Well men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”
The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!
Two seconds later, “TWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”
Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, “Men, bring me my brown pants.”
My daughter was in and out of the hospital a lot when she was a kid. One day she came home, and she asked me if I knew what the doctors used to draw blood. I said a needle. She said no a red crayon!
A long time ago, a pirate, named Captain Bravado, was sailing the sea with his fellow pirate friends.
One day, as he was sailing the sea, an enemy ship approched. His crew was really nervous.
He said: "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first man who heard the order got him his red shirt. They went to war and killed all the enemy pirates. That night, his crew asked why he wanted a red shirt.
He said: "If I had been hit during the fight, you wouldn't have seen my blood."
All his men were looking at him with admiration. The next day, at dawn, 10 ships approched Captain Bravado's vessel. His men were horrified. They were waiting for his order.
He said: "Bring me my brown pants !"
My Dad and I went to donate for the Red Cross. They gave us the paperwork to fill out, and were getting ready to start collecting the blood.
The nurse asked a few of the last minute, "Must repeat this:" questions, and asked my Dad, "Have you ever paid anyone for sex."
Dad replied, "What do you think marriage is?"
The nurse laughed so hard, she had to get someone else put the IV in his arm.
Kid: Dad, what's my blood type? Dad: Red. Kid: Dad: Kid: Motherfu-
My dad and I go visit my grand mother at her nursing home. We walk into her room and she had fallen on the floor and hit her head. Blood had pooled beside her. As the nurses come and get her into a chair her white hair was completely covered in blood, first thing my dad says after yelling for the nurses "at least we know what she would look like as a red head."
So I donated blood recently, and one of the Doctors(?) Nurses(?) for the Red-Cross named Tommy was a jokester. So I start donating and he is cracking all these jokes and at one point he gets to talking about his childhood. Tommy says, "When I was a kid I had a step-ladder." I asked him what was special about it afterwards and he said, "well I never met my real ladder, but this one did the job decently enough..."
Que groans from everyone at the donation center.
My friend: "Hey, what blood type are you?" Me: "The red kind." He just gave an exasperated sigh.
Me: Hey, what blood type are you?
Dad: The red kind.
Me: I gave blood today. Cousin: With work? Me: Yeah. Cousin: That's probably illegal. I'm pretty sure you should get the Red Cross to do that.
