A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMeeme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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A red blood cell was travelling through the bloodstream...

It bumped into another cell and screamed "Jesus Christ!!" God was not happy, he said "You should never use the Lords name in vein."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordoftheClouds00
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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*Sad Red Blood Cell Noises*
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ananay83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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How rude. I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.

They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type β€œO”.

I guess we can call it a typo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evilpuddingman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Accident with red blood to bring blue to the world.

It took an accident with red blood to bring blue to the world.

A pigment maker named Diesbach was trying to create a popular red out of cochineal, an insect still used for red dye in everything from lipstick to ketchup.

He added iron sulfate mixed with potash which we later discovered has a useful element now called potassium.

Anyway, the potash he used was contaminated with animal blood, which contains iron, and rather than creating red, he accidentally invented an affordable, long-lasting true blue.

When it came to making red pigment... he really BLUE it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starzwillsucceed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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Two Red Blood Cells Met and Fell In Love

But alas, it was in vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingakomoto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/palpameme_66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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What has black hair and can be found in red blood cells?

Emoglobin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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A service that ships dietary supplements to women, primarily minerals helpful in making red blood cells.

Fe-Mail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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TIL red blood cells do so many things...

...that's why they RBC.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/23farendheight
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
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Redhead Jack

You remember the story of Jack and the Beanstock? Imagine if Jack had red hair.

Hints:

Fee-fi-fo-fum,
I smell the blood of an Englishman,
Be he alive, or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

This one is a bit dark.

Ok, too subtle perhaps:

>!Outside of the U.S., red heads are generally called "gingers". Thus, redhead Jack is a ginger, and if the giant makes his bread from Jack's bones, he has made bread out of a ginger, which makes it...!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordRybec
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I found out why nurses carry red crayons

In case they have to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/33billings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Drew a Haemogoblin
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

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πŸ‘€︎ u/broeshweehn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Blood...

My daughter was in and out of the hospital a lot when she was a kid. One day she came home, and she asked me if I knew what the doctors used to draw blood. I said a needle. She said no a red crayon!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kccole42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Some people see names engraved on trees and think that it is sweet. I think, who brings a knife on a date?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NORM5000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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The story of Captain Bravado

A long time ago, a pirate, named Captain Bravado, was sailing the sea with his fellow pirate friends.

One day, as he was sailing the sea, an enemy ship approched. His crew was really nervous.

He said: "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first man who heard the order got him his red shirt. They went to war and killed all the enemy pirates. That night, his crew asked why he wanted a red shirt.

He said: "If I had been hit during the fight, you wouldn't have seen my blood."

All his men were looking at him with admiration. The next day, at dawn, 10 ships approched Captain Bravado's vessel. His men were horrified. They were waiting for his order.

He said: "Bring me my brown pants !"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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When giving blood, always be honest....

My Dad and I went to donate for the Red Cross. They gave us the paperwork to fill out, and were getting ready to start collecting the blood.

The nurse asked a few of the last minute, "Must repeat this:" questions, and asked my Dad, "Have you ever paid anyone for sex."

Dad replied, "What do you think marriage is?"

The nurse laughed so hard, she had to get someone else put the IV in his arm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlandsMarshal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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Too Soon?

My dad and I go visit my grand mother at her nursing home. We walk into her room and she had fallen on the floor and hit her head. Blood had pooled beside her. As the nurses come and get her into a chair her white hair was completely covered in blood, first thing my dad says after yelling for the nurses "at least we know what she would look like as a red head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EhBurds
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
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Dad-jokes at a blood drive are even more painful.

So I donated blood recently, and one of the Doctors(?) Nurses(?) for the Red-Cross named Tommy was a jokester. So I start donating and he is cracking all these jokes and at one point he gets to talking about his childhood. Tommy says, "When I was a kid I had a step-ladder." I asked him what was special about it afterwards and he said, "well I never met my real ladder, but this one did the job decently enough..."

Que groans from everyone at the donation center.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtleSmurph
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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Dadjoked my friend yesterday...

My friend: "Hey, what blood type are you?" Me: "The red kind." He just gave an exasperated sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PixelatedBaloney
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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At least my dad answered the question. Somewhat.

Me: Hey, what blood type are you?

Dad: The red kind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nucleophilic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2014
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Cousin is shows potential for future fatherhood.

Me: I gave blood today. Cousin: With work? Me: Yeah. Cousin: That's probably illegal. I'm pretty sure you should get the Red Cross to do that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/burticlies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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I went to the Red Cross to donate blood. They threw me out and yelled "we don't want your type here!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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I don't have any red blood cells

So my doctors are looking in vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jryser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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