Lohn is German for wages.
A man from Spain visiting the US walked into a clothes store. He said to the clerk, "Quiero comprar unos calcetines, por favor." Unfortunately, the clerk didn't speak Spanish, and the Spaniard didn't speak English. They searched all around the store, the clerk pointing to various items, hoping to find what the foreign customer wanted.
He pointed at jackets, but the foreigner shook his head and said "No quiero chaquetas." Then he pointed at shirts, but the client was not satisfied and said "No quiero ni camisas." The clerk pointed at sweaters, pants, shoes... but the Spaniard said he didn't want "ni sudaderas, ni pantalones, ni zapatos...".
They couldn't come across the item the shopper needed. Finally, the clerk points to a table of socks, and the man from Spain exclaimed with joy, "¡Eso sí que es!" The clerk exploded in anger, shouting "If you could spell it, why didn't you say it before?!"
English fish: "Hi!"
Dutch fish: "WAAR?!"
(Edit: It also works with German. "WO?!")
"We are the champignons!"
Because he was a trans-later.
The poster reads:
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
But I don't believe lesbians are any less bien than I am!
My girlfriend speaks french, so I knew she'd get my joke.
Anyways, we were eating breakfast and she was talking about liking spinach for its iron content. I said "That's fer."
So my family is French and we also speak English.
Basically, every birthday, my mom would say she got me cash for my birthday. (cache, which is pronounced like cash, means to hide, in French). My dad would then say, in French, "Ohhhh, cash! I thought you said cache! I hid it last week and I cant find it!"
I’m in a world of pain.
Sometimes when we eat breakfast together, I'll decide I want eggs - I usually take two or three. I live in a bilingual family - half French, half English. So I ask him, in English;
-Dad, do you want one or two eggs? -Only one. Un oeuf is un oeuf.
We went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant and when we got our fortune cookies my mom asked for the translation of "selfish". My dad responded with "El mismo pescado." (Note: selfish --> self-fish --> mismo pescado)
Dad calls me, and asks what I'm doing "I'm watching a show called Suits" is my answer, and then he goes: "Oh does it suit you?"
Note: I'm not English, but he still said that sentence in English, just to make that joke.
Go figure I got out joked by a Grandpa. I was talking to my father-in-law and the following took place.
Me: I have a great idea. I'm going to get a bunch of young good looking hispanic guys and make a bilingual boy band.
... (he's looking at his phone)
I'm gonna call it Juan Direction.
... (he looks up)
FIL: I saw something that said Juan Direction online.
Me: oh?
FIL: It said south.
As I put the milk into the basket my bilingual dad picks it up.
"Hmm soy milk. Nice to meet you, milk, soy Dad!"
A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running "Hello, world" program.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
