Back Surgery Puns

The doctors called it eyeLEDs

About a weak back

I have half a mind to tell em where to go.

I see alot of new faces today.

"Bullshit! I've been using that stuff for years and...(looks at 13" scar across his stomach from whipple procedure to remove tumors, looks back at family for effect) oh... shit..."

Never lost his great attitude towards life, family, and people in general. Always quick with a joke/dad joke until the end.

Me: ::starring blankly while eating dinner:: Wife: Are you just shell shocked at the price?

So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"

Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.

We were at an exhibition, and there was an Army Ambulance with a practice dummy on a trolley hanging out the back. He turned to me and said

.

.

.

Look, Plastic Surgery!

My one year anniversary since i had back surgery is coming up and i cant think of any really good back jokes, if you guys could get the back surgery jokes straightened out that would be great!

Hi guys, I have a friend who has recently has surgery on her back to remove some cysts. I'm going to give her a get well card and I want to put as many back/cyst/surgery/recovery/etc. related puns or general sayings as I can for a goofy card that will hopefully give her some chuckles.

E.g. "You're like a CYSTer to me", "Hope you get BACK to being well soon", "You've been through enough PUNishment". Etc.

Help me Reddit you're my only hope. :)

At the dinner table.

Mother in law: "...he has recently had two surgeries to fuse his lower vertebrae, his recovery has been quite slow"

Me: "Well I would expect nothing less after having back to back operations."

after about 4 seconds people started leaving the table.

This happened verbatim on Tuesday afternoon.

Discussing emergency surgery on my one month old son with the anesthesiologist. I said:

"I hope you have an alternate method for putting him to sleep. He isn't too good at counting back from 100 yet."

While the doctor got a good chuckle out of that my wife dropped her head into her hands and said "dadjokes. It's too soon for that crap."

It is never too soon for dadjokes!

I called my dad the day after he had major back surgery and asked him how he felt. His response: "With my hands."

So, my grandfather passed away in November and my brothers and I were recalling old stories and this one came up.

He just had surgery on his back and after surgery he had this conversation

Doctor: So, you won't be able to do any heavy lifting for about a week

My grandfather looks at him with a look of concern on his face and says: But doc, how am I supposed to go to the bathroom?

Fractured my collarbone a few weeks back in a motorcycle accident and had to have surgery. Got some good results in a follow up appointment.

My parents and I talked about it afterwards, one of the big questions being "Will he be able to drive soon?" by my Mother.

My Father responds with "No, but I bet he can putt."

Thanks for the smile, Dad.

I like star wars. My dad knows this. My dad had never been a "dad joke" sort of person. He is an accountant by trade and other than being family we have never been very close. My sister jokes about it even. But he is my dad and I love him.

He has been mellowing in recent years now that both kids are out of the house. Oh yeah, and that whole nearly dying during an emergency surgery thing a few years back.

Anyway, tonight he texts me out of nowhere. And hits me with this: http://imgur.com/Qq6S6PA (transcript below)

"How do you know you have a wookie cookie?"

"... I don't know. How?"

"it's Chewwie"

My dad ladies and gents. Has just joined the dad joke Club.

About a weak back.