Babi Puns

De-calf-inated!

Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cālf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.

Nobody wants to hear yours.

A pouch potato

I said I’d nominate her for the SAG awards.

That snow coincidence.

... but the heavier ones need a crane .

The Quaranteens

when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.

Purée!!!

(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)

Where's popcorn?

But let me give it a shot.

I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.

She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"

I’ll hand them to her and say “Here’s the fruits of your labor.”

My parents didn't want me, but I was still born.

When they could be called subwoofers

About a calf an hour.

You spend too much time on the web.

...I didn't want to be accused of kidnapping.

I told her she’s ovaryacting.

Quaranteens.

How do you drive a baby buggy?
You tickle it's feet! :D

They can't read

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

They "Goo Goo" it.

[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]

Because all his uncles were ants.

Go to sweep, dear.

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!

That's too many babies.

She noticed a blanket and asked if it was womb temperature. I laughed and thought she’d make a great dad one day while my wife tried to not smile

An INFANTry man

An infantry

Side note: I will be a first time father at the end of March. I am proud to join the dad joke ranks, my wife and son will learn to appreciate the content from this subreddit 😬

Ask your mom.

He said "Maybe next time you should get premie carrots instead."

He was a little chili

Santa Jaws

I knew she had it in her.

Me: It’s probably not a good idea to keep a baby up that late.

Data

But I still don’t talk to her