Matt
The monk told him but sir, you have no arms, how will you ring the bell?
The man said, " just lead me to the bell and I'll show you."
So they walked up the long stairwell that led to the top of the belfry. Once at the top, the man walked over to the bell to get a good look at it. He then proceeded back up against the furthest wall and leapt into a sprint, face first into the bell.
He plummeted 65 feet below to his death. Tragically, no sound came from the bell.
When the police arrived an hour later, they asked the monk if he knew the man.
The monk simply said, "No. His face doesn't ring a bell either."
But wait, there's more...
The next day another man with no arms showed up at the monastery and told the monk "Yesterday the man who died here was my brother. This was his lifelong dream. If it's ok with you, I'd like to try just once for him."
The monk certainly couldn't refuse and slowly led the man up the long stairwell.
Once at the top the man walked over to the bell. He kissed the spot where his brother's face hit the bell just a day before and walked back to the edge of the furthest wall.
The priest watched in horror as once again a man hurled himself face first towards the bell, but at the last minute the man tucked his chin, stopped at the last moment and slammed his head into the side of the bell.
The bell rang with the loudest clang the countryside had heard in years. In fact, it was so loud the man cried out in agonizing pain, lost his balance and fell to his death below.
Once again the police showed up, and once again asked the monk if he knew the man's name to which the monk replied, "no, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
I'll show myself out.
Good night
to go to the second hand shop.
No idea but his face rings a bell.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Partial arts
Dwayne
At the top of the hour, he would bang his face on the bell letting everyone in town know what time it was.
One night after ringing the bell he lost his balance and fell to his death on the sidewalk below.
When the police showed up, a few people were crowded around the body. One policeman asked the woman standing nearest the body, “Do you know who this man is?”
The woman replied, “No, but his face rings a bell.”
I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.
So I remind myself..you have to play the hand that you were dealt.
Seymore
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on stage with the band?
Mike
Speech impaired!
Nobody.
He just had to add insult to injury.
A Swing arm assembly
Because of the shorter arms.
Edit: Apparently this is a joke from Alice Fraser (OG Tweet)
Then why are they called TENtacles?
Bob
I call him Art.
So I wrote back "That's great, I don't want a one-armed man counting my money."
Bill.
The man replies “They’re my disk eyes!”
If Seal is broken do not consume
He’s all right now.
Turned out he pulled a mussel.
But no one found it humerus
He went self catering
"I'm not sure..." came the reply, "But his face rings a bell!"
He did not find that humerus.
"NOBODY MOVE."
Its humerus.
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
He caught a fish this big. 0___/
I'm going to change a lightbulb, he replied.
Won't that be hard with only one arm? I asked.
No, he said, I've got the receipt.
He's my right hand man.
I just got a strawberry JELLY-fish. Next on the hit list is a thermos. What other dad jokes and puns can I dedicate my needle therapy to? The cornier/dad-ier the better.
Nice tattoo.
Bob
Matt
Matt.
Bob
...Phil
Matt.
