Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
Apparently there is a panda going around killing people at restaurants
He eats shoots and leaves.
So apparently when you die, the last part of your body that stops working is your pupils..
It’s because they di-late
Apparently Han broke off his friendship with Chewbacca...
Apparently, the producers of The Flintstones were planning to make one final episode where Fred’s brother marries Barney’s brother.
It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans weren’t yet ready to have a gay old time.
Apparently, schools will now run from September right through till July with no holidays....
It's a long term solution.
No more Suez Canal jokes! SERIOUSLY! We are considering litigation. Apparently some guy named Ezra keeps posting those jokes...
...and if I can’t sue Ez, can Al?
Feel blessed to live in Hawai'i but apparently, I'm just not a funny guy. Every time I tell a joke, all I get is...
I was wondering why music was coming from my printer...
apparently the paper was jamming.
There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.
Apparently you can't use beef stew as a password.
I wrote an essay in highschool about lottery winners who ended up losing. Apparently I thought this was way funnier than it is.
I got arrested at NASA.
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.
Police say he may be following a pattern.
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Apparently you can’t use ‘beefstew’ as a pass word
My son, apparently an 7yo dad says to me... " Hey dad, what's the alien say to the cat?"
"Take me to your litter"
He's been working on his joke game. V.proud.
How do you know it’s a dad joke?
Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are just vanishing into thin air.
Police say, they have several leads.
When does a joke become a dad joke? ... When it becomes apparent! But when does it become apparent? ...
Apparently, Santa has epilepsy....
He seizures when you’re sleeping.
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.
Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!
So apparently NASA hadn't heard of farting before...
Apparently Florida has the highest rate of infidelity in the country...
It's an unfortunate state of affairs.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Apparently, Neil deGrasse Tyson has a brother, who has a very successful grass-cutting business.
A perfectionist walked into a bar.
Apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough.
My friend told me about his new boat. Apparently, it has a canopy.
I said "Well, better than a can o' poo."
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
Apparently, I’ve been using counterfeit electricity at home.
I’m a victim of electron fraud!
Apparently every police department has a food division
However, they only take cases involving a salt and buttery.
My dad always told me that I could be any person I want. But the FBI disagreed with this.
Apparently identity theft is a crime.
I heard Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced.
Apparently he refused to ever empty the recycle bin.
Apparently until the age of 10 ,
Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall
I got let go from the dairy farm.
Apparently I don't work well with udders.
Apparently Orion wasn't too excited about his new belt.
A real conversation I had with my dad.
Dad: Did you hear about the guy stealing tires off police cruisers?
Me: No, that's crazy!
Dad: Apparently the police are working tirelessly to catch the guy.
Me: ...I hate you.
Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password 🤔
Apparently you can't use "beefsoup" as a password.
Apparently you can't use beef stew as a password.
Apparently, you can't use beef stew as a password...
I guess it's not stroganoff
Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
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