Too dangerous to be left alive
What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she was still alive today?
Probably scratching the inside of her coffin.....
Dead Oar Alive, You're Coming With Me
What did the shoe say when he was the last one left alive?
“I guess I’m the sole survivor”
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.
Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!
After WWII some of Hitler’s extended family was still alive. How many Hitlers could still be alive today?
I’m not certain, but I believe there are Führer than there used to be!
Houdini was a really great man when he was alive.
But after he died, he was just an average cadaver.
Did you know that, while alive, Mozart composed symphonies in almost every major key?
Sadly, in death, he was relegated only to D-composition.
Did you hear about the guy that was burried alive?
My new year's resolution is to stay alive
If you had your choice of having lunch with anyone ever, dead or alive who would you pick?
I would pick someone alive.
Dead Oar Alive, You're Coming With Me
I want to get myself in the guinness world records for the oldest man alive, but it's taking me a long time
do you think Alexander would be an antivaxer is he were alive today?
i don’t think he would. after all, he’s not throwing away his shot.
My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at him.
Kim Jong Un isn’t alive...
They’re using Kim Jong Deux
The Supreme Leader of North Korea has not died, he is alive.
His New Name is Kim Jong-Undead
I hope I’m alive in 48 years...
So I can ask on 2/4/68 who do we appreciate??
This morning I asked my wife like a reporter, "The world wants to know, what it's like being married to the funniest man alive?"
She said, "Meh."
So I immediately said, "You heard it here, folks, it's a meh zing."
Wow, I lived during the time Bill Gates was alive
I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!
The Grape Depression by Berried Alive
This guy is getting berried alive
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it 🤠
The ice age would be the coolest time to be alive.
I‘m afraid of being eaten alive.
If you want to eat me, you’ll have to do it over my cold, dead body.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
My dad was buried alive...
If Jesus were alive and on Twitter...
He’d probably have a lot of followers.
A witch is about to boil me alive.
Did you know that vultures will only eat animals that are not alive and not silly?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Did you hear about the man buried alive accidentally?
If planes were alive, where would they drink water?
If I could be anyone, alive or dead...
I'd definitely choose alive.
Is Schrodinger’s cat alive?
Short Answer: No.
Long Answer: Yes.
If Leonardo da Vinci we’re alive today, the Mona Lisa would have been called ‘IMG-20121020-00463.jpg.’
Somebody in the world is the most oblivious person alive, and they don’t even know it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/ad9ad6/somebody_in_the_world_is_the_most_oblivious/
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch his coffin.
You guys know the undertaker vs Kane buried alive match?
Yeah they were both in grave danger.
How do you stay alive in a "dead pool"
You use the "death stroke"
My 7yr old got me: If the pilgrims were still alive today, what would they be famous for?
Being like 400 years old.
Is Kim Jong Un still alive?
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