Now all my rooms but the kitchen sync.
But it was a false Salaam.
There's also leap-frogs.
I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"
No time like the present!
He said the times they were a-changin’.
They've started offering curbside pickup.
It'd make cents off so many levels.
/edit:rephrased punchline
It has given me a new perspective
Because they spend years at C
Me: it was an adjustment
It will speak volumes to people.
He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.
I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.
It’s brought my gaming to new heights
RUDEolf
Foresees a jolly good fellow.
"I loview!"
His office is run by a skeleton crew.
Me: This looks like a great detective novel.
Her: What?
You: You know. The plot thickens.
....do you stand corrected?
I told her that when my atlas hurts, I just shrug it off.
I stand corrected.
Without missing a beat I responded, "because you're heating for two now."
I then proceeded to laugh at my own joke. I feel like I'm prepared for my future as a dad.
[God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes I think I’m done. Dads:Hi Done, we’re Dads! God: Dads: God: Creates adjustable thermostat
"I stand corrected."
A latitude adjustment.
we couldn't make it to a gig anywhere
*edit * slightly adjusting wording thanks to input from fellow dads <3
Balloon prices are adjusted for inflation.
What are fish that star in movies called?
Starfish
How do you tuna fish?
Adjust their scales
What do you tell a fish when its overreacting?
You need to clam down
That's enough fish puns for today
We should scale back
I recently started a new job as a claims adjuster.
I turned to my coworker the other day and asked "do you know how I got this job?.......I CLAIMED it!"
Cue the eye rolls.
The man waits for a while and the doctor comes out to tell his findings. The doctor says, "Your wife did not have a heart attack. She just has acute angina."
Adjusting his hearing aid, the husband says, "Listen here young man, don't go talking about my wife's privates like that! I know she's cute down there!"
Let me adjust my thermos tat..
Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)
Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."
Grunts and cringes ensued
Dad: Is that 50 cents?
Me: Yes dad that is 50 cent.
Dad: After this bank robbery he's gonna have to adjust his name for inflation...
Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past few weeks, so I've let this subreddit drift unattended. Reading some of the reports and comments after coming back makes me realize that my absence led to some unwanted events happening!
Let's start with the fun stuff: We now have a new fancy rulebook! If you suspect a post of breaking these rules, feel free to report it in the relevant category, or use (8) other if you suspect it to slip through the cracks of one of the other rules.
Secondly, as of right now, we do not have an explicit rule forbidding inflammatory subjects like race, politics, etc, as the rest of reddit seems to be melting down, but so far we remain unscathed. I wish to let you all crack puns like adults without having to put on training wheels, but if any of the above subjects become a problem then I will swiftly revisit this. Consider this a privilege, not a right, and do try to avoid abusing it! Piggybacking off this, any post that is more 'lewd' than PG should be NSFW tagged. If it is inappropriate for an office setting, I will manually NSFW it, and repeat offenders will have consequences.
Third, you can now request puns! start a self post with [request] and put in whatever information is necessary, such as "[request] puns about clocks".
I'll keep this post stickied for about a week or so, to keep it as a nice feedback net, and we can adjust rules, add/delete/modify them as needed, to keep our subreddit of lovely puns in peak condition!
He said: "Son now that you're older, I feel like I could use your opinion on some of my business decisions. Can I ask?"
Obviously I nodded yes.
Dad: "Well, 2 days ago I bought a couple balloons for 3 cents a piece. How much should I sell them for after adjusting for inflation?"
He really needed an attitude adjustment.
adjusted for inflation
He specializes in attitude adjustments.
I helped out a manager at another area of my work place, bringing a leveler to adjust a table. After I finished, I was walking back to my work area when I noticed a guy who works there had his dinner out in a sealed Tupperware.
This guy has been on a food diet for some months. I walk up to him, place the level atop of his Tupperware. When the bubble rests in between the lines, I tell him "Looks like you're maintaining a well-balanced diet." He shook his head at me and I continued on my way.
No time like the present!
