Fruits and veggies
Orange you glad I came up with these grape and un-beet-able puns? Cauliflower (call a flower) shop. In celebration! Itβs just bananas, and will drive you coco and nuts!
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︎ Sep 02 2018
Sadly, Aquaman was never able to finish college.
All his grades were below C level.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
A bald man got a great deal on a wig today - only $1!
It was a small price toupee.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Who lost their vision but was still able to see?
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︎ Feb 17 2021
A-door-able Valentineβs Puns
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Why wonβt Trump be able enter the White House on January 21st?
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︎ Jan 15 2021
I called Robinhood to complain about not being able to buy more GME
Operator said βplease holdβ
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︎ Jan 30 2021
βDoctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?β
βYes, of courseβ¦β
βGreat! I never could before!β
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︎ Jan 25 2021
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
Heβll do anything for a buck.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Did you hear Boba Fett was able to time travel?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
My weird talent is always being able to tell whatβs in a wrapped present.
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︎ Dec 20 2020
My son thinks I'm so cool for being able to talk like Cookie Monster and Elmo.
I guess you could say I have Sesame Street cred.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
No one at my party was able to break the clown piΓ±ata.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
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︎ Dec 23 2020
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
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︎ Feb 24 2020
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Once you start spreading lube on a child's slide, you won't be able to stop.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
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︎ Oct 16 2020
What do you call a frozen mouse?
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Why was toilet paper wasn't able cross the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I wasn't able to carry my case.
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︎ Feb 09 2020
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
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︎ Aug 06 2020
The doctor told me I probably wonβt be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
What kind of bear is the most condescending?
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Conspiracy theorists will never be able to find the true story of the coronavirus' origins...
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Why aren't people in Norway able to purchase anything?
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Blind people are not able to eat fish...
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︎ Oct 07 2020
We may not be able to seat you inside just now but we can supply some terrible puns.
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︎ Aug 09 2020
I havenβt been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out heβs just been sheltering in place.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...
But it was in rough shape.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Well, next year we'll be able to say
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
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︎ Sep 09 2020
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghettiβ¦
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use βWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internetβ and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) heβs been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβs for the kind words and awards.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Why were the decepticons not able to divide the Autobots?
Because the autobots had Optimus Prime
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary...
He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980βs and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Why are dogs able to swim so well?
They have a Good Boyancy chamber
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︎ Aug 27 2020
A ship carrying purple paint ran into a ship carrying brown paint.
The survivors were marooned.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Unfortunately, Superman wonβt be able to fight Dracula this evening...
He wonβt go near the crypt tonight.
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︎ Mar 28 2020
Iβm not sure Iβll be able to watch Narcos the same ever again
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︎ May 22 2020
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