What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
What do you call a well educated bike?
(Unintentional dad joke time. This was an actual conversation this evening between my wife and I as my middle schooler listened.) Me: Honey. I need a new bike helmet, but I don’t know what size. Would you measure my head for me?
Wife (holding the tape measure): Have you tried looking at Dick’s?
Middle schooler: Laughs uncontrollably
What do call a bike trail that shows no empathy.
So the cops just came to my door, they said my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them "my dog doesn't even own a bike"
Had to get a kickstand for my bike.
It was two tired to stand on its own.
I gave my bike a new name after it came back from the bell repair shop
It has a nice ring to it.
A bear is riding a bike in the woods
when he passes a man who notices him and yells:
"What the heck?! Bears don't know how to ride bikes!
The bear replies: "oh right, i forgot!" and tips over.
My uncle used to tell me this joke as a kid and it took me a while to understand the tiny but valuable lesson behind it.
why does a bike need a kick stand?
because it's two-tired to stand on it's own
A local themed Grandad joke from the northeast of England: If you walk to Walker and bike to Byker, what do you do at Wallsend?
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ole bike just couldn't do the job anymore.
Which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Why is riding a bike, jumping off, then riding a bike again good for the environment?
I yelled “COW” at a woman on a bike.
She flipped me off then hit the cow.
Bought a stationary bike today
but I don't see myself getting anywhere with it.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot
It got so bad I had to take his bike away
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
On this day last year me wife got me a stationary bike for my birthday.
Well it’s a regular bike but it hasn’t moved in 364 days.
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
How’s a bike different from a trike?
Not much. There’s really only one wheel difference.
Apu and his family went on a bike ride.
It was known as the Nahasapeema-peloton.
Crashed my bike into a wall today...
That’s wheelie unfortunate.
Why does Jesus ride a bike?
He’s on the highway to heaven!
I’ve been researching exercise bikes for over a month and just can’t pick one.
It turns out this whole time I’ve been bike-curious.
What is it called when you change a bike's tires for the very last time?
Today I got complaints about my dog chasing people on a bike
I immediately took away his bike
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
What happens to a recycling bin after you crash into it on your bike?
It becomes a decycling bin.
I crashed my bike into a lemon tree last week
It's left me feeling bitter and twisted
I yelled “cow!” at a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger.
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.
I'd you ever need to get in touch with a bike company
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Just had the police tell my my dog attacked someone on a bike
I said it couldn't have been my dog, he doesn't own a bike
A policeman told me my dog is chasing people on a bike.
I told him my dog doesn't even have a bike.
I bought a stationary bike...
But I don't see myself getting anywhere with it.
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
Wtf??? My dogs don't even own bikes
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Why can’t a bike stand on its own?
I made a Bike out of wood...
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot..
It got so bad I finally had to take his bike away.
A policeman just knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
My dogs don't even own bikes
Crashed my bike into a wall
It’s wheelie unfortunate that it’s broken.
My dog always used to chase people on a bike
It got so bad we had to take his bike away
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