Hey folks. I wanted to write an experience here in case I can inspire anyone who is struggling with sobriety to stick with it.
I have been a regular drinker for at least 16 years (since college). Up until 5 years ago it was only weekend parties. About 5 years ago I began drinking daily... I would do any level of bargaining possible (I’ll only have two tallboys, I’ll just have the small half bottle of wine) but I would drink. I would almost never not drink. I don’t think my friends knew this at the time, but if they did they either didn’t think I had a problem or were too polite to say something to me. I definitely tried to hide it, though.
Last Thanksgiving (Nov 2020) I made what I thought was a permanent decision to stop drinking altogether. I had ruined several romantic relationships and friendships and my mental health was totally in the trash. I had no motivation to do anything and my entire daily life was just surviving intense nihilism. “What’s the point?” could have been my motto.
That streak lasted through mid-May (about 6 months). By mid-May I had gained 15-20 lbs (muscle, from working out), my diet was healthy, I had a plan for my life, I rarely felt nihilistic, and most importantly I was enjoying myself.
I was also having extremely intense, multi-hour practice sessions on my musical instruments, which were a feature of my life in high school and something that has been stagnant since around the time I started drinking. In these sessions I get completely lost in the instrument and enter a deep flow state. I thought they were gone for good. Sadly they were merely suppressed by my drinking.
Then, in mid-May, in celebration of my friend’s bachelor party, I decided to have drinks with the boys.
Fast forward to two days ago: I have literally drank some alcohol every day since then. I went from being dynamic and confident to having a hangover that has been going on for the last 48 hours. Emotionally, I’m in full nihilism again. It is miserable and terrifying. I didn’t exercise the whole month I’ve been drinking.
And now I’m taking it back, two days sober. And while I feel bad right now, I know how good it’ll be in a week or two. I’m so looking forward to that.
So I know for myself, I can’t drink. Ever. Not if I want to enjoy my life and do something with my time. Thanks for reading.
Then my dad goes “Who?!” And I just stayed quiet because my parents like to conveniently forget I’m bi since I’m seeing a guy and I don’t feel like fighting my dad on Father’s Day but I feel really sucky. They’re perfectly loving parents 99.9% of the time but I’m sure if I dated a girl I’d get kicked out.
They reported today that Jana is apparently supporting and sticking up for Jamie Lynn spears amid backlash from her soap opera performance yesterday in response to the Britney issues. Honestly, I think they’re both trash in their own ways. Jana needs to pick a struggle, influencer or country singer, and Jamie Lynn should go into hiding because Britney is going to come for her money. They both make my skin crawl.
We all love to talk about fragrances that other people love that we don’t get but what about when you are in love with a fragrance but the people around you are not?
I am addicted to Narcotic V and made my coworker smell my wrist and nearly slapped him when he said it smelled like “old lady”. Then another day I wear Creed Acqua Fiorentina and he says smells like rotten candy... wwwwwhhhhhyyyyyyyyy
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