My 13yo son has been designing, building, and flying RC planes for a couple years now. His last one worked well until a catastrophic crash. Me: "Well, you make a better engineer than a pilot."
Son: "I only crashed once!"
Me: "Most pilots only get one crash..."
Son: "Yeah, fair point."
You can now use disposable masks to brew your coffee
They’re good coughy filters !
Hi Reddit. Have you been scrolling too long and now your eyeballs ache? I built a website with exercises to relieve eye strain.
It's a site for sore eyes
Did you hear about the beer that now includes caffeine?
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a street performer juggle.The juggler notices that all of them seem to have a bad view, so he stands on a bench and asks them "Can you all see me now?"
/r/funny/comments/112xb18…
If you replace your tires with new ones, what are they now?
It means they've been retired.
Therapist: "I think it's time to stop pleasing people and saying Yes all the time. From now on you must say NO. Is it OK ?"
Patient: " euh, hem ... ! "
Air used to be free at the gas station, now its $1.50. You know why?
Did you hear that the Hispanic firefighter is now a father to twin boys?
He named them Jose and HoseB
You used to be able to get air for free at gas stations, but now it's a $1.
Times are tough right now, so I want to let you know you can count on me.
You can only count to 10, though, because I'm not letting you touch my toes.
What do you do for a tortoise that was falling in love but now is only falling apart?
Nothing you can do, it’s a turtle eclipse of the heart
Hi everyone, just letting you know that I’m going through a lot right now.
A guy has his annual check up at the doctor's. "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" asks the guy. "I doubt it." says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now." "I don't believe in that astrology nonsense, doc"
"Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view , so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out “can you all see me now?”
Did you hear that LGBTQ people can now openly serve in the Russian army?
They got rid of their Donetsk Don’t Tell policy.
What do you call a leaky roof that has been patched up and is now water-tight?
Last week a Florida school district expanded their book ban to include the dictionary, so you now won't find them in the library
>!Journalists reached out to some affected librarians for comment, but they were lost for words...!<
>!please note that I know this joke is slightly misleading, dictionaries have not actually been banned (yet), but here's an!< article >!(and yes this linked article's heading is slightly misleading)!<
The Pope is handing out miracles to kids. Billy walks on stage and asks him, “can you help me with my hearing?”. The Pope says “Yes” and puts his hand on Billy’s ears and prays. He removes his hands and asks, “How is your hearing now?”
Billy says, “I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday… “
(From my 5 year old just now) What do you call a scruffy Jamaican?
You used to be able to fill your tires up at the gas station for free. Now it’s costs 1.50$
I ran out of gas suddenly a bee flew in my car and asked are you out of gas, yes I replied the Bee said I'll be back.. moments later a sworm of bees flew in my gas tank and flew off the bee said try it now it started I asked what did yall use the bee replied
Did you see what’s making headlines now?
Now that you’ve read my joke, Alpaca bag and leave 🦙
Did you know kids now have a slang term for the best public transportation?
Did you hear that elephants are in fashion right now?
Yea they’re huge in Africa.
Did you hear that priests are now allowed to kiss nuns?
As long as they don’t get into the habit.
I remember when plastic surgery was taboo, but now you mention Botox
And nobody raises an eyebrow
Did you know they used to use lead to hold barrels together? A guy had to singe the band ends together. Now you know that every heavy metal band needed a lead singer.
credit to fang0654 who replied this to my previous post to expand off the joke "did you know lead is technically death metal since you can die just being around it"
Now that Robert Pattison's Batman, I guess you could say Jack Whitehall...
Texas Roadhouse now sends you a text when your table is ready as such they have changed their name. They will now be known as
You can now order human parts online, great and quick service
The seller was de-livered soon after my order
I asked my wife: Do you think that our one-year-old knows calculus by now?
She replied: Probably, with all the formula he's been having!
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
Have you heard about the alternative education now offered to children of the Canadian national police force?
Did you hear that jails uses Proactive now?
It’s to prevent breakouts
Did you hear about the guy that was involved in the comedy night accident? I heard he no longer jokes or even laughs anymore, he looks so sad now.
It can't be helped, it was a serious injury and they had to operate.
He no longer has a single funny bone in his body now.
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs $2.50. You want to know why?
Do you remember when air for your tires was free at gas stations and now it's a $1. Do you know why?
You know air used to be free at the gas station and now it’s $1.50. You know why?
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. You know why?
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