I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
U.S. stock index futures are starting the year with some more champagne as contracts linked to the Dow and S&P 500 rose 0.6% overnight, while the Nasdaq climbed 0.7%. It follows a strong 2021 for each of the indices despite fears of inflation, tighter monetary policy, business disruptions and new COVID-19 variants. Investors seemed to focus on the bright spots of the macroeconomic picture instead, such as increased consumer spending, hiring ramp-ups and solid corporate earnings growth.
Snapshot: The S&P 500 rose 27% in 2021, hitting 70 all-time highs in the interim. That's the most new records for the benchmark index since the 77 it set in 1954. For the first time in history, all the sectors of the S&P 500 also posted double-digit gains last year, but some are wondering if the strong returns will continue, especially with the index now trading at 26x earnings.
For a full breakdown of risks and opportunities going into the coming year, see Wall Street Breakfast: What To Watch In 2022. The edition covers inflation fears, central bank policy, economic growth, the supply chain and stock returns. The Wall Street guard is also weighing in on equity valuations for 2022, with differing opinions among analysts.
Breakdown: "Marginally less accommodative monetary policies may weigh on equity valuations. As a result, we expect returns on the asset class to be more muted in 2022. Over the medium term, though, we believe a focus on quality growth companies still makes sense. Coming into a period of sub-par returns, active management and skillful stock selection will be key." - Barclays
"Our positive base case and the prospect of real yields remaining in negative territory leave us particularly bullish on equity markets, especially in the first half. We expect to see some compression of price/earnings ratio multiples for the S&P 500 as rates rise. However, strong earnings growth could still translate into about a 10% total return, in our view." - BNP Paribas
"While we acknowledge that absolute equity valuations are elevated, this is true for all major asset classes relative to history. We expect global earnings to grow 8% in 2022; this should support a reasonably strong year for equity markets overall and our targets in each region imply about an 11% total return in global equities." - Goldman Sachs
"The core of our cautious 2022 view on the S&P 500 is our belief that during a mid-cycle transition, price-earnings ratios typically compress. The m
... keep reading on reddit ➡They’re on standbi
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
