What do you call it when a magician makes a wrong turn?

Miss direction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duckparrot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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So let me tell you a little about my situation. It's currently about -12Β°F outside and my HVAC just broke. So, I decided to build a fire, but it turns out I can't use my fireplace because it needs a new flue, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong subreddit for this

but I just need t(w)o vent(s) right now.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuddyEndsleigh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
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We took a wrong turn on our vacation and wound up at a clothing optional beach. Only one guy was actually naked....

He was the nudest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingOldGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
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I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.

The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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i turned left on the wrong street while driving...

too late i found the error of my waze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samyxxx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Tag-und Nacht
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roof-Patient
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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I didn't know I'd turned down the wrong street in Mexico...

Til I got pulled over for wrong direction on a Juan way street.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...

... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eaglehawk2011
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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A while ago I thought my wife was going to leave me because of my bad posture.

It was just a hunch.

I talked to her about it, turns out I was wrong, and I stand corrected.

I’m really not sure what I was all bent out of shape about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/giacal3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...

...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him β€œWhat’s wrong, Lord?” God replied β€œI think I’m gonna call it a day.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beard_on
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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One that came to me in a 3am epiphany. Better when spoken aloud.

There’s two astronauts on a shuttle. It’s going smoothly when one astronaut noticed something wrong with the engine. He turns to the other and says β€œHey, something seems to be wrong with the engine. You think this could be fatal?” The other astronaut replies:

β€œAs tro hope naut.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arachnica
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down

He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.

β€œSure,” said the farmer, β€œmy wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”

Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.

The farmer called after him,β€œDidn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”

β€œI heard you,” said the salesman, β€œbut I think I’m in the wrong joke.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back...

A nurse asked her what's wrong, and my wife screamed, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shook her head and said, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

My wife's face contorted in pain as she shouted, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.

"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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My arborist friend was helping a tree that was peeling

But it turns out he was barking up the wrong tree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I saw a Craigslist ad for a 40 inch smart TV the other day.

The guy was asking for $50 and the only thing wrong with it was the volume controls weren't working properly.

At that price, I couldn't turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aptom_4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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A husband comes home and finds his amputee wife lying in the bathtub with the shower head on, crying.

He feels pity at the sight and asks "What's wrong, love?" She turns to him and says "I can't stand showering without my legs"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironfist221
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to cracker barrel yesterday for lunch with my dad and we got their new signature fried chicken

The waitress gave us our food and he started looking the pieces over really intently. He turned them all over and checked every side.

Waitress: is everything okay sir? Dad: No i think something's wrong with my chicken. (Looking at the pieces for a second time) Waitress: I'm sorry, what's wrong? Dad: I don't think they signed my chicken.

I lost it.

Happy Fathers day weekend!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rofsdraw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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[PS4] LF1M HM Aksis Pt 2

Post LL and PSN. We are attempting checkpoint but it's not a deal breaker if we can't get it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrwhizkid97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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2 Friends named Ryan and Dave were fixing up a car. They’re Country-Geeks by day, and Racers by night.

Ryan: Are you Finnished yet?

Dave: No, but you bet I’m Russian to fix it! Israelly confusing. Kenya help me out?

R: Sure.

Car makes weird sound

R: Guatemala with the car?

D: I’m Czeching it out, and it seems like something’s wrong with a piston or two. You got any ideas, because Iran out. What a Spain. Oh well, let’s put some elbow Greece and try to finish it by tonight.

R: I hope so. Damn, tonight is a Chile one.

D: Yep, and it’s definitely China distract me.

R: I’m kinda Hungary, I want Togo buy a sandwich or two.

Later

R: Oman, it’s already 9 Pm, there’s Norway that we can fix it by tonight.

D: That’s what we are Guinea find out.

R: I will Taiwan more way to speed things up, but it’s pretty risky.

D: Well, we somehow Ghana find out. 10:30 Pm

R: Ok, Tur the Key!

Car turns on

D: Yes! The Caribb is ean! Uganda be kidding me! I can’t Bolivia did it!

R: Hey, I can’t Belize it either!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnThePekka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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My girlfriend said my Australian throwing stick wouldn't come back no matter how I threw it.

It flew back after a few seconds. Turns out she was boome-wrong.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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A man is selling a TV at a garage sale for 1$...

It is a close to new, 50” 4K flatscreen, and a woman comes up and asks him β€œWhat’s wrong with this TV, to only be selling it for a dollar?”

The man tells her β€œWell, there’s nothing wrong with the picture, or anything like that, but the volume is stuck on max, and you can’t change it at all. So are you interested in buying it for a dollar?”

She says β€œWell, you can’t turn that down”.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsAndIT
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
A String Walked Into A Bar

He walked up to the counter, and asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Sorry, but we don't serve your kind here." The string replied, "Well, screw you then!" and walked out.

The next day, the string walked back in. The bartender immediately says, "Hey, I told you yesterday, I'm not going to give you a beer." So the string turned around angrily and stormed out.

Finally, the next day, the string walked back in. He then walked straight to the bathroom, and he messed around in the mirror a bit. He walked back out and to the bar, and the bartender said "Hey, aren't you that same string?"

He replied, "I'm a frayed knot."

EDIT: wrong tense

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chewy01104
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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Nooooo!!!!

When I was growing up, anytime my dad would see my butt (happens surprisingly often as a boy) he would yell "NOOOOOO" and I would always turn around scared wondering what was wrong when he would reply "Say no to crack!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scurr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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I tried to have a dinner party last night, but accidentally hosted a seance!

...turns out I'd bought an incanter, not a decanter! ...got the wrong kinda spirits out of it

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
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My grandfather was driving in Florida...

after making a U turn, when he was pulled over by a cop.

The cop comes up to his window and said, "sir, you're driving the wrong way on this side of the road! Didn't you see the arrow?"

Without hesitating my grandfather replied "Arrow? I didn't even see the Indian!"

(This was in the late 70's so excuse the tactlessness! And was a true story, according to my dad, who was apparently in the car).

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calinet6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my classmate

In a science class I'm currently taking, we were doing a lab involving hydrochloric acid. The bottles we had were producing some gas that looked like steam coming out of the bottle (I'm sure one of y'all know what that is). So when my classmate asked the teacher why the hydrochloric acid was smoking, I turned and said, "because he's been hanging out with the wrong crowd".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfginn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
🚨︎ report
The person running the drive-thru was a bit hard of hearing...

We were getting some food from Panda Express, and the lady kept getting our orders horribly wrong. After we finally pulled up to the window, my dad turned to me and said:

"Trying to order food from here is PANDA-monium!"

I just facepalmed while he cracked up.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicOaky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
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Dad dadjoked me twice in a row

My parents and I are just finishing up some Fringe on TV and my mom says, "You know that song 'I think I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so?'" And I say, "Yeah, I think that band is called The Vacuums or something."My dad says: "Yeah, that band really sucks." I look it up online and it turns out that band is actually named The Vapors. I tell my parents that, being a good guy and all, and totally willing to admit when I'm wrong, and my dad says, "Oh, that band? They really stink." I cannot wait. I CANNOT WAIT to be a Dad and tell Dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soharborcoat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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My dad on an old coworker's divorce

I work in the same industry as my dad, and during a dinnertime conversation, the topic shifted to one of his old coworkers that I'd recently met. I mentioned that her last name was Smith, he told me he remembered that it was Wright. I told him that she had gotten divorced a few years ago, and he got a grin across his face. He looked me dead in the eye and said,

"Well then, I guess Mr. Wright turned out to be Mr. Wrong."

He started laughing as my mom and I groaned and shook our heads.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sayis
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad is driving the car out of a parking garage...

...and my little brother from the back seat says,

Brother: we just made four right turns in a row.

Dad: it's a good thing we haven't made any wrong turns yet.

Dammit Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prince_la
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman were on their first date.

A man and a woman were on their first date.

β€œSo, I hear you hunt deer,” the woman said.

The man looked away and turned red.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” asked the woman.

The man bashfully replied, β€œI’m not used to someone calling me β€˜dear’ on the first date.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johaen8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m always right...

Except for this one time I thought I was wrong about something, but it turned out I was right.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyckTycket
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate google maps sometimes

It says "take the right lane to turn right to ...", but it doesn't tell me which lane is the right one and which lane is the wrong one.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zerio13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m always right...

... except for one time I thought that I was wrong about something, but it turned out I was right.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyckTycket
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Driving with Dad.

Pulling out of a Publix parking lot there was a street sign that said "Right turn only" and without missing a beat my dad says "we'll we wouldn't want to make a wrong turn"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwg529
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
🚨︎ report

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