It’s hard for a woman to work in the post office
Considering it’s such a mail dominating industry.
it might work for heart burn
A wife made a tortellini dinner for dinner one night. He loved it so much he wanted to take some to work for lunch the next day
The wife said, but dear, that'll be pasta time to eat it.
What do you call it when a comedian is recognized for a piece of work after they have died?
At work today I bent over to pick something up and inadvertently showed some of my butt crack. My boss immediately called me out for it and despite me being a model employee he fired me on the spot.
All that company cares about is the bottom line.
I was checking various springs for a project at work. I told my coworker "If you roll them across the table it will make a good snack." He just looked at me with a WTF face...
I told him "What? You never ate Spring Rolls?"
I used to work for an elevator company. It was ok.
It had its ups and downs.
Although It took me nearly 5 years of hard work and dedication to train for the Guinness world record for the most watches eaten by a man in an hour. I finally did it!
I recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife said she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked me if it was more work this way?
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
According to a recent study, it’s really hard for women to work for the Postal Service.
It’s a mail dominated industry.
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
We had a contest at work for best neckwear. It was a tie.
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.
My co-worker Nicholas is rarely late for work meetings, but it often shows up within 2 minutes of the meeting start time
I guess he likes to show up in the nick of time.
I randomly place these around my work place. If you’re having a bad day, look up at what I drew for you. No, they’re not my original thoughts, but it makes work a better place.
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?
I tried to write a code for dancing robots but it didn’t work
I guess it had no algorithm
I have the gift for the gab, but I need to work on wrapping it up
I got in a car accident last week and things have just been really tough. They can’t find any parts for it because the manufacturer went out of business a few years ago and not having a vehicle is really putting a strain on my work and family. It’s just a lot to handle.
Sorry for the Saab story.
[At dinner] Her: I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok. And for the main course?
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
At work, I keep extra cough drops in my desk for anyone that needs it.
I guess I’m the halls monitor.
After arriving 1 hour late to picking my wife from work for the third time this week she said “I’ve had it, I’ve lost all of my patients!” And I said “you know what?...
Maybe you should be a better doctor”
A lot of people don't know I work as a professional Irish singer impersonator, but sometimes I do it free for charity.
You could say I work Pro Bono.
It was really busy at work today and someone jumped in to help me get things done. I told him “Thanks for helping me out. I just couldn’t catch up.”
“I’m glad I mustered the energy, since you couldn’t catch up.
Get it? Mustered.”
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