I woke up this morning wondering why it was so dark outside
I woke up at 3 in the morning, made this, and fell back to sleep.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door
That plumber has some sense of humour
I woke up on top of my house this morning, and the last thing I remember was going to the bar...
I’m afraid someone roofied me
I woke up grumpy this morning
That was a mistake, I should've just let her sleep
I woke up this morning and found that someone has dumped a bunch of celery on my front porch.
I think I’m being stalked.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I woke up this morning and saw a bird of prey in my backyard eating avocado toast and yelling “Ok Boomer!”
It was a millennial falcon.
Woke up this morning to a tap on the door
I thought, that's a funny place to put a tap.
I woke up this morning and found that someone dumped a bunch of legos on my front door step.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Used to wake up to birds chirping, but I woke up to this Elon Musk tweet this morning
I woke up this morning and found that two of my car wheels had somehow fallen off.
I immediately thought it was the best idea to check if at least the engine was still able to run before deciding to get a mechanic to assess the situation.
I put the key in and gave it a go but I got nothing
I guess the car was two tired.
When I woke up this morning I felt numb...
And when I looked at the digits of my phone
showing 06:42 I started feeling even number.
I woke up this morning with another freakin’ back ache.
I thought to myself, “knot again!”
Explanation (since I guess I’m supposed to):
The knot in my muscle was the cause of my back pain. Knot/Not.
I woke up my fiancee this morning to tell her the sink is clogged
I woke up this morning with a very sore throat.
Last night, in the kitchen, I was talking to the colander and I think it strained my voice
I woke up this morning and saw my neighbor slumped over his lawn mower, crying his eyes out.
He was growing through a rough patch.
I woke up this morning, looked down at my hands, and heard a voice yell, “Death to America!”
I think I might have terror wrists.
“Boss, I’m not coming in today. I woke up this morning and found that I grew a thick beard and have a turban on.”
Boss: What?
Man: Yes, I’m calling in Sikh.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning
I noticed when my head hit the bottom of the mattress
It was a little brisk outside this morning when I woke up
Which is a shame because I really prefer Lipton to Brisk.
I woke up this morning and standing over me was the ghost of Gloria Gaynor.
At first I was afraid. I was petrified...
I jumped out of bed when I heard a godawful sound as I woke up this morning.
I woke up this morning to find my smartphone flying around on the ceiling...
...I must have left it in Aeroplane Mode.
Last night I had The Killers over for s’mores and hot cocoa. We all woke up this morning sick with hangovers
I looked at them and said “how did it end up like this? It was only Swiss-miss.”
I woke up this morning with a Mammoth erection.
I had a lot of explaining to do at the Natural History Museum!
I flew home to Canada from Europe yesterday. I woke up this morning and said to my dad "my arms hurt. I'm not sure why. I feel like I worked out or something". Without skipping a beat, my dad:
"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"
I used to have the complete Agatha Christie collectionbut this morning I woke up to find that half of it was missing. I looked everywhere but couldn't find them and it was driving me mad...
A noisy crow woke me up this morning.
I woke my wife up when i farted this morning
I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth...
That's the last time I ever buy a larva lamp…
My dad lives on the other side of the world. This morning I woke up to this picture of him.
https://imgur.com/gallery/FUQIG
Woke up to a text from my Dad this morning
"Happy Sinko de Mayo"
http://i.imgur.com/MGZ3S2p.jpg
I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..
I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I wanted to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning...
I'm not allowed to keep Sharpies in the house anymore
I woke up this morning with a tap on my door.
I hired the world’s worst plumber.
Woke up to a tap on the door this morning.
Funny sense of humour my plummer has.
Dad woke me up this morning with this text
"Jesus has risen, and so should you."
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