William Tubman Puns

#23rd July, 1971

> Liberian Leader William Tubman Dies in London

> London (AP) - President William V.S. Tubman of Liberia died after a prostate gland operation at the London Clinic Friday. He was 75. The Liberian Embassy said complications set in after the surgery.

> He came to England July 1 and immediately entered the fashionable clinic for examinations and treatment of his prostate gland condition. His wife accompanied him to this country.

> Tubman was born at Harper, Maryland County, Liberia in 1895. His father was a Methodist minister and member of Liberia's senate, whose ancestors emigrated from Augusta Ga.. In 1834. The president's mother was born in Atlanta, GA.

> Tubman rose from collector...

-Extract from the front page of the Lewiston Daily Sun

Initially when the President arrived, following a simple request to the British government, William Tubman was in ailing health. Putting on a strong front however, the severity of the President's condition was kept hidden from the public who simply guessed he was facing the usual ailments faced in old age. None realised the true threat that Tubman's prostate gland presented to the President's health.

Upon arriving in London on the 1st of this month, President William Tubman was welcomed in the usual fashion of a state visit by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth. With the two heads of state meeting and enjoying each others company over a meal behind closed doors, the President was then settled in. He received his own room at the London Clinic as well as more comfortable residence not far at the glamourous Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park hotel.

Enjoying the company of Her Majesty on a few other occasions through July, the late President was visiting primarily for health reasons. His appointment to the London Clinic was made following recommendations and communication between Liberia's leading doctors and London. In between meetings with the Queen and visits to the hospital, William Tubman was enjoying the full culture and flair of the city of London. In his final days, as the severity of his condition was made apparent by surgeons at the London Clinic however, he was soon moved to stay at the hospital indefinitely.

Tubman entered the surgical theatre on the 20th of July. **Three days later, the beloved head of state for Liberia, President William Tubman w

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Celebrate Friday by posting a fan made Servant!

(Disclaimer: Activated Skills are at Level 10 and NP is at Level 1)

///

Name: Lycaon (5☆)

True Name/Aliases: Lycaon, Nictymus, Lycaon-Nictymus, The Phantasmal Great Wolf

Source: Greek Mythology

Class: Pretender

Attribute: Earth

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Suite: Quick [5], Quick [5], Arts [2], Buster [5], Buster [5], Extra Attack [5]

Traits: Humanoid, Male, Servant, King, Heaven or Earth, Wild Beast, Demonic Beast Servant, Greek Mythology Male, Weak to Enuma Elish

Parameters:

• Strength [A]
• Agility [A+]
• Endurance [A]
• Mana [A]
• Luck [C]

Append Skills:

• Follow-Up Technique Improvement
• Mana Loading
• Anti-Lancer Attack Aptitude

Class Skills:

• Therianthropy [EX]
  • Increase Buster Card Effectiveness by 12% for self.
  • Increase C. Star Drop Rate by 12% for self.
• Magic Resistance [EX]
  • Increase Debuff Resistance by 22% for self.
• Independent Action [B]
  • Increase Critical Strength by 8% for self.
• Beast of Gaia (Age of Departure Model) [B]
  • 1% Chance to inflict Death when attacking [Divine] enemies.
  • 5% Chance to inflict Death when attacking [Entity of the Outer Realm] enemies.
  • 10% Chance to inflict Death when attacking [Velber] enemies.

Personal Skills:

• The First Werewolf [EX] (CD: 6)
  • Apply [Wild Beast] trait to a single target ally or enemy. <treated as a buff> (5 turns)
  • Increase NP Gauge by 50% for self.
• Lord Of Arcadia [A] (CD: 6)
  • Increase Quick and Buster Card effectiveness by 20% for all allies. (3 turns)
  • Increase Quick and Buster Card Effectiveness by 20% for all [Wild Beast] allies. (3 turns)
• Morph (Werewolf) [EX] (CD: 5)
  • Apply Invincible to self. (1 turn)
  • Increase DEF by 30% for self. (3 turns)
  • Apply Debuff Immunity to self. (3 turns)
  • Recover 2000 HP for self.

Noble Phantasm: Chrysus Lykoi [EX]

~Texture Convergence Wolf~

(Quick, anti-purge, 7 hits)

• Increase ATK by 20% for self. (1 turn, activates first)
• Deals 900% DEF-ignoring damage to a single target enemy.
• Overcharge: 60%-300% chance to inflict Death on a single target non-[Earth] enemy.

Summary

For the crime of killing Nictymus, his youngest son, and attempting to feed him to Zeus, it's commonly believed that King Lycaon of Arcadia

Jeanne Calment was the oldest human alive, living for almost 122 years; imagine if every president lived as long.

George Washington: Dies in 1854 during the presidency of Franklin Pierce

John Adams: Dies in 1858 during the presidency of Buchanan

Thomas Jefferson: Dies in 1865 during the presidency of Andrew Johnson

James Madison: Dies in 1873 during the presidency of U.S Grant

James Monroe: Dies in 1880 during the presidency of Rutherford B. Hayes

John Quincy Adams: Dies in 1889 during the presidency of Benjamin Harrison

Andrew Jackson: Dies in 1889 during the presidency of Benjamin Harrison

Martin Van Buren: Dies in 1905 during the presidency of Theodore Roosevelt

William Henry Harrison: Dies in 1895 during the presidency of Grover Cleveland

John Tyler (is based): Dies in 1912 during the presidency of William Howard Taft

James K. Polk: Dies in 1918 during the presidency of Woodrow Wilson

Zachary Taylor: Dies in 1907 during the presidency of Theodore Roosevelt

Millard Fillmore: Dies in 1922 during the presidency of Warren G. Harding

Franklin Pierce: Dies in 1927 during the presidency of Herbert Hoover

James Buchanan: Dies in 1913 during the presidency of Woodrow Wilson

Abraham Lincoln: Dies in 1931 during the presidency of Herbert Hoover

Jefferson Davis (fake president):Dies in 1930 during the presidency of Herbert Hoover

Andrew Johnson: Dies in 1931 during the presidency of Herbert Hoover

U.S Grant: Dies in 1944 during the presidency of F.D.R

Hayes: Dies in 1945 during the presidency of F.D.R

James Garfield: Dies in 1954 during the presidency of Eisenhower

Chester A. Arthur: Dies in 1952 during the presidency of Harry S. Truman

Grover Cleveland: Dies in 1959 during the presidency of Eisenhower

Benjamin Harrison: Dies in 1956 during the presidency of Eisenhower

William McKinley: Dies in 1965 during the presidency of L.B.J

Theodore Roosevelt: Dies in 1981 during the presidency of Ronald Reagan

William Taft: Dies in 1980 during the presidency of Jimmy Carter

Woodrow Wilson: Dies in 1979 during the presidency of Jimmy Carter

Warren G. Harding: Dies in 1988 during the presidency of Ronald Reagan

Calvin Coolidge: Dies in 1994 during the presidency of Bill Clinton

Herbert Hoover: Dies in 1997 during the presidency of Bill Clinton

Franklin Roosevelt: Dies in 2004 during the presidency of George W. Bush

Harry S. Truman: Dies in 2006 during the presidency of George W. Bush

Dwight D. Eisenhower: Dies in 2013 during the presidency

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

This past month President of Liberia, Clarence Simpson has commissioned the construction of a dam on the st Paul River.

To commemorate former President William Tubman, the dam will be named in his honor.

To allow for energy to be made 4 turbines will be included in the plant each with max of 24 Megawatts each.

To aid with the unpredictable Nature of The saint Paul River, A reservoir will be constructed allowing for a total output of 100 MegaWatts.

Due to the huge nature of this project for Liberia, it will be fully completed in 1969 or will take 7 years.

During this time The government of Liberia wishes to take more steps into supplying the nation with Cheap sustainable power and this dam will only be the beginning.

While being late in his term this if the first thing that President Simpson had accomplished during his term and with his lack of change during his term he is very unpopular during this term, with his voters and his own party. It is expected that the whig party expects to have William Tolbert run for the next election ending the run for his presidency.

Tldr

4 turbine dam

25 MegaWatts each

100 megawatts in total output.

Constructing a reservoir to go along with it

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

#Presidency

After the coup d'etat of 1958 has occurred in Liberia, The Whig party is just as strong as before Former President Twe gained office.

After the coup was completed Former VP Clarence Simpson was elected as the executive of Liberia. While the construction of a dam to supply electricity to Monrovia and surrounding areas, his presidency has been, to be blunt, largely ineffective in expanding the nation's position in the world.

When his announcement for presidency was announced, he gained massive support from voters thinking he would continue late president's Tubman's policies. Unfortunately he did none of these.

With his failure as a President, his approval with the voting class has plummeted and tension in his own party has culminated in his lack of support for reelection.

With his dwindling support in his own nation and his own party, Simpson has opted to forgo a chance at another term and has gone into retirement.

With the Position of president of Liberia open, many Looked to Vice President William Tolbert. After getting affirmation from his party Tolbert declared his run for the Presidency.

His first action after his run was to declare Bennie Dee Warner as his running mate.

To much surprise Tolbert's only opposition was former domestic affairs minister Juah Nimley, hoping to get the former Reform party to make a come back; Rebranded as the "Central party"

During his election campaign, Tolbert's main promise was to relax his predecessor's policy of spying on citizens to harp down on opposition. This paired with his promise to reform much of the previous administration's blind eye to foreign investors' action.

Though managing to get an impressive 65% of the vote Tolbert won in a landslide while Nimley got a meager 35%.

#House of Representatives

Every current politician of the house of representatives current term has expired. Due to the whigs having strict control over congress all members of the house has been reelected for a 3rd term

Liberia at this point is a one party state once more

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.