WeGame Puns

Dear son,

Merry Christmas!

PS: do your homework.

PPS: do your chores.

PPPS: go outside and play and stop playing video games

PPPPS: you're a fatboy, fattie. You eat too much crap food.

PPPPPS: we're shipping you off to military school next year!

Every time my sister and I would play the board game "Life" when we were little, we would ask my dad this:

Me: "Dad, wanna play life with us?"

Dad: "I'm already playing"

A few years ago, was playing a card game with my frisbee team. We were competing in a frisbee tournament for spring break, and we had discs lying all around the Airbnb we were sleeping in. After playing the first few hands, I realized I didn't know what to do with my old cards.

I asked my teammate where I should put my used up cards. They pointed to some cards lying in a frisbee.

It was a disc card, discard pile.

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

-

Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

1. How would you describe a dad joke?
2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

• You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
• You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
• You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
• You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
• You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

• You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
• You've got some automod experience
• You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

• You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
• You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

Context: Yesterday my dad and I were cruising around doing some father's day bonding. We see a big grassy field with some trees in it and he says, "That looks like a great place to play frisbee." I respond, "And an even better place to play frisbee golf!" (A game we made up where you throw frisbees around trees)

My cousin was quietly playing on her iPad when she responds, "That's hockey."

It’s a fun little game we like to play

I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.

Edit: I can't spell fixed typos

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege — well, it's my privilege — actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com

After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."

He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."

So we were at my football game discussing what positions everyone was playing. This is how the conversation went.

Dad: okay so who's playing in de gate?

The team: confused what do you mean, where is de gate?

Dad: oh, its next to defence.

We were celebrating my other niece's 2nd birthday, when my 5-year-old niece comes up to me and says, "Hey Uncle, wanna play a game?"

"Sure. What game?"

"You pick a letter and I say three words that start with that letter."

Since it was her sister's birthday, I picked "B", assuming that she’ll probably say "Birthday".

She was like, "Okay… B... B... BB..."

I sat there for a second in a moment of defeat...

"Yes. Those are all words."

You little shit.

Edit for the Dad-impaired: "Be... Bee... BB..."

2nd Edit: Awesome! Each of my nieces got me to the top of this sub! Here's the one about the 2-year-old.

Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie. He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears. I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn't offer a bulk discount. For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.

With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn't back down. Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears. He then asked me what I wanted to play.

Fed up, I shouted: Rock! Pay per scissors!

Hey all! Sorry if this is against the rules somehow, but I am looking for some pun assistance. I'm a teacher and am setting my room up with a jungle theme. I want to decorate the door to my classroom to say "Welcome to the Third Grade Jungle..."We've got ...." with some kind of academic spin on "fun and games." Either fun or games can stay in the pun, but I figured I couldn't just straight up quote G&R without making it school related too. I'm usually pretty good at puns (post title nonwithstanding) but am coming up empty. Thanks so much!

On a road trip, so we are playing "the alphabet game." We pick a topic, then take turns going up the alphabet until someone gets stuck.

Topic is "things that will kill you."

M.... "megalodon" says the average 10yo boy

N.... "not buckling up" says the cautious 14 yo daughter

O.... "ONOMATOPOEIA!" Shouts the unconventional 12yo girl. "Bam! Pow! Boom!"

We have a winner!

The other day we were watching a baseball game he got called in to work. He stood up and said "well, I've got to go. Some people are just dying to see me."

So I buy 4 tickets for a football game and I take my pregnant wife, our son, and our daughter. We look for seating, but we can't find our section.

Me: *Thinks to self and looks at tickets*... These tickets are for the section C.

Me: Honey, where's the C section?

Wife: Um, I didn't get one yet.

Me: *Looks below*

So here in the UK we have a game show called the cube were contestants complete challenges to win cash. On Saturday night a contestant came on and she only had one hand. She walked away with £20k.

My sister comes out with she has enough money to buy a new hand now and my dad lays this one on us almost instantly

'she'd have to go to a second hand store'

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

And all the meat was on hooks attached to the ceiling. I said "why's all the meat up there"

He replied "we are having a game today, if you can jump up and touch any of the meat you can have it for free. Want a try?"

I said "no, the steaks are too high"

My sister teaches at a high school for children with learning and behavior disorders, and every year she hosts a skills summer camp.

2015 will be geology-themed, and we need help thinking of a fun name for the camp.

Previous years: 2014 Summer Scenarios: Little Egypt (Egyptian themed) 2013 Summer Scenarios (first year had no kitchy name, but it was zombie-themed)

Potential examples: Stone Throne, Rock Steady, Taken for Granite, etc.

During the live-in camp (boarding school), they'll learn survival/outdoorsmanship skills (fire starting, gardening, canoeing, etc.), and have geologists as guest speakers.

Any high school learning-friendly geology-themed blockbusters would be welcome suggestions, too--but I'll post that for the people over at /r/movies.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: Thanks to everyone who actually gave appropriate suggestions, and high-fives to those who just made rock puns. My sister selected Game of Stones.

Starting on the 1st of December and running until the 10th, /r/dadjokes will be self-post only. This 10 day trial is being conducted to measure the overall effect on post quality. We hope to see a reduction in posts that exist purely for karma-gaming, and an increase in posts that represent our favourite dad jokes and stories.

This is not a ban on images. You may still link to pictures within your self-post - but you will no longer receive karma for doing so. Also as a suggestion try and be witty about it, don't just post pictures as the only content in the post. If there is a story behind it (involving your dad or anyones dad) then give that more of a preference and use the picture as a supporting arm for the joke, remember to be nice and the punnier the better.

As always, we're open to hearing your thoughts on the matter - and this thread will be stickied for the 10 days so that you can pop in and let us know how you feel the trial is going.

To annoy a female housemate we were flicking bits of sweetcorn at her hair. In response, she escalated the game and threw an orange into my face.

The only way i got through the ordeal was because of what another of my housemates said next. After a long silence, as im holding my face he says "..hell hath no fury like a woman corned".

(Dave and Buster's is an arcade)

She absolutely beat me at any shooting game we played, as well as basketball. Afterwards I told her, "I figured out why you beat me at basketball and those shooting games. I have terrible aim, but you're a little more Amy."

I was doing some word play on Game of Thrones before we were about to watch it after putting our son down.

"What do you call GoT starring all skeletons? Game of Bones. ...starring tiny bearded men? Game of Gnomes. ...starring Mozart and Beethoven? Game of Tones" And on and on.

Admittedly, not my best work. Nevertheless, my wife, clearly tired of humouring my brilliance, comes out with this:

"What do you call GoT starring you? Game of Groans"

So proud.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:

Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

So my 5 year old son always asks what I’m watching or playing (video games) and most of the time sits and watches for a while.

I had been binge watching The Office, so of course he would overhear most of the jokes. One day we were over our friends house who has a daughter my sons age. We sit down to eat some burgers and hot dogs, and out of nowhere my son belts out “DON’T DROP THE SOAP!”.

We all died laughing.

He shall be a good dad someday.

Hey guys, this might sound too cheesy and I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right subreddit.

Every Saturday I give my SO a printed typography paper that I personally design with a pun of her name on it (her name is Des, I call her Mae so either is good).

Here's a sample of what I do.

Problem is, I can make the designs, but I'm running out of puns. Here's a list of what I've already done:

Des puns:

• Hardest

• Wordes (Words)

• Widest

• Uncondesionally (Unconditionally)

• DrivES

• Dessert

• Fades

• Des (This)

• Holidess (Happy Holidays!)

• Desperate

• Desision (Decision)

• Decades

• Desert

• Destination

• Dress (DrESs)

• Despresso (Espresso)

Mae puns:

• Maend (I hope you don't maend(mind)
• Maecadamia (Macadamia)
• Maengo (Mango)
• Maecaroni (Macaroni)
• Maeple (Maple)
• Lifetimae (Lifetime)
• Imaegine (Imagine)
• Chamaeleon (Chameleon)
• Caramael (Caramel)
• Achievemaent (Achievement)
• Gmaes (Games)
• Maek (Make)
• Drmae (Dream)
• Dramey (Dreamy)
• Maesure (Measure)
• Blmae (Blame)
• Maet (Mate)
• Climaet (Climate)
• Ultimaet (Ultimate)
• Maebe (Maybe)
• Mae (My one and only)
• Mae (Whatever May Happen)
• Maen (You mean everything to me)
• Maent (We're meant to be)
• Amaezing (Amazing)
• Maeutiful (Beautiful... I know)
• Maechiatto (Macchiato)

I'd really appreciate some help if you guys have any puns reserved. Anything will do, really.

Thanks!

EDIT: Formatting

My Dad has always been a bit cool (plays in bands, hangs around with much younger guys etc) but at the weekend, on his 67th birthday, he FINALLY Dad joked me.

We were talking about the local rugby team and I said "They're playing a French team. I think it's Toulouse?"

He said "That's not very positive is it? Playing to lose."

"No wait," I said, checking the website, "They're playing Toulon!"

"Ohh, well in that case, it won't be a short game...."

I finally feel like a proper daughter.

We were watching the Patriots/Falcons game, which had a ton of fog in the stadium obscuring camera views, when I dropped this one:

“It’s weird that the fog is still there when the stadium is full of fans.”

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

Alright, I am the manager at a new vr place in our mall- and we have a wonderful foosball table that people can come in and play free. Three teenage boys come in and challenge me to a game of 2 vs. 2. As I am destroying them, with the boy next to me mostly texting, one stops and looks at me after getting his first point on our team and says "This is getting intense." I nod and look around confused, then say "Uh.. I think you are confused, we are indoors-- not in-tents."

Lets just say i was pretty proud of myself today.

My friend invited me over to play the new Zelda, instead we played a fishing game. I feel like I got the bait and Switch.

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!

Whats green and smells like bacon?  Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?  Kevin Bacon

If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries

Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.

Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.

What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.

Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.

What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.

How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.

What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.

What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.

What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.

First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.

Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.

If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost

I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon

If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?

This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.

If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.

I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.

My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.

When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

My dad used to play a game with me and my brother that was, in effect, an extended dad joke.

The "beginner" version, when I was younger, was when I would be talking about something, my dad would intentionally misinterpret it so that we could correct him. The objective being to keep up the misinterpretation in as long of a chain as possible.

Me: "Dad! Top Gun is on TV!"

Dad: "Doesn't that movie have that whiny folk singer on the radio in it?"

Me: "...No, dad, that's Tom Petty, not Tom Cruise."

Dad: "Oh, I thought he was Rosanne Barr's husband?"

Me: "No, dad, that's Tom Arnold, not Tom Petty."

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..."

Later, once I figured it out, we moved to "advanced mode", where we skip the "correction" and just prove that you catch the reference by making another error in response.

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..." (Arnold Palmer)

Me: "...wait, I thought that was the victim in Twin Peaks?" (Laura Palmer)

Dad: "...no, you're thinking of the lady who was the actress in Jurassic Park." (Laura Dern)

And so on. Did anyone else's dad's do something like this? Or any current dads? I currently play a version of this with my wife where she'll put on the radio and I'll intentionally misinterpret the artist. (Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody is playing, I comment to the effect of "God, I love Styx. Such a great song.")

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!

Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short

What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi

What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks

What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be

Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul

Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!

Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!

Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.

Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.

Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.

What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.

What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda

What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2

Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt

What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? “The” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.

What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.

What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.

What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2

Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.

Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt

Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe

What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett

What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke

Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.

Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn

What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones

Why did

So we're in the car driving to the airport and my dad's talking about his buddy Terry. Terry was in some small movie and my dad was commenting that he played both the referee in a footy game, and then it cut to a shot of the crowd and THERE WAS TERRY. My dad goes "I mean, he could have at least put a different shirt on to create the illusion he was someone else. How silly of him!"

My sister says "You should be real careful dad, you shouldn't make fun of him. You can die from dissin' Terry"

Cue groans and laughter, and my dad conceding the apprentice has surpassed the master.

Hello punsters!

My fiancee and I are having a combined bachelor and bachelorette party that will be Hawaii themed and sadly I got stuck coming up with the invite.

I know reddit is full of quips and puns so any help would be greatly appreciated. The gist of the party will be bring a dish to pass around, wear Hawaii themed clothes, and after we will be playing board/trivia games.

I already have something along the lines of dress in your hawaiian clothes to ensure you'll get leigh'd, but any help you wordsmiths can offer would be great!

Thanks reddit!

Once I talked my dad into playing Dungeons and Dragons with me and my friends. We were looking over his character sheet before the game when he noticed "Darkvision 60 ft." He asked me what that meant.

I said, "It means you can see 60 feet in the dark."

"But only if there are 30 people."

We were driving to a friend's house for "game day". We live in Phoenix...we have flora that doesn't like living..because..it is Phoenix.As we were driving, we passed a huge palm tree on its last root (leg) of life in the median of the road. It is literally being held up by a few 2x4's. I look at my husband with the saddest look I can muster before I say "Babe, did you see that poor palm?". Husband says, "Oh yea, that big, dead-looking ones with the boards?". I respond, "Yea, sweetie, we should say a prayer. The poor thing is on LEAF support". He was not amused...I, however, giggle every other Saturday when we pass the tree to game day. Also, please don't worry about the tree. Now that Phoenix has made it through a hot summer, I bet after winter it will just spring back to life...assuming it doesn't fall. Lastly, sorry I'm not a dad or no actually dad said it...but I was channeling that inner dad when it happened! If I need to move this post it is okay!