You know why a T-Rex walks with bent back?

Cause his dino's sore

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1CUP2DAY
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, β€œBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?”.

β€œNo”, replies the burger, β€œbut I can tell you you’re going to need an umbrella later.”

β€œOh, sorry”, said the man, β€œI thought you were a meaty urologist”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: "ARE YOU ASHAMED TO WALK WITH ME?"

Wife: "Why are you shouting?"

Me: "Because you're on the other side of the road. "

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my dad started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...

β€œWherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - β€œwhat’ll you have?” Bear says β€œI’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says β€œalright. Say what’s with the big pause?”

Bear says β€œoh these? I was born with em.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 426
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks β€œDo you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?”

The pirate replies, β€œ Arrrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why should you walk with your phone every day?

It's a mobile device.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/canyounot--
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, which promptly lays down on the floor. The barman says, β€œOi mate, you cant leave that lying there!”

The man says, β€œIt’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”

πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomsonc014
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Last Thanksgiving I cut myself with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law walks up and grabs the bloody cut and starts twisting it. I screamed β€œOuch, what are you doing!!”

He says, β€œI’m applying the turn-a-cut!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What you get when you play the song "walk with me in hell" at double speed?

"Sprint with me in hell"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaicnaan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the Drs office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "What can I do for you today?" The duck says "Doc, can you get this guy off my tail?"
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thalpal317
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctor's office with celery in one ear, peas in the other, and a carrot up each nostril, and says "Doc, I don't feel well". The doctor replies "It's because you aren't eating right."
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thalpal317
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, every time a woman walks by you stare at her butt. What's wrong with you?

Me: Nothing, my hindsight is 20/20

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctr1989
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazyLamy
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk (New to the sub, hope this hasn’t been posted before, apologies if it has)
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bully90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
So a man walks into a diner and says to the waiter β€œI’ll take a cup of coffee with no creamer.” And then the waiter says β€œSorry sir, we’re out of creamer. Can I get you a cup of coffee with no milk?”
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumber__Zach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fishmonger with a trout flopping back and forth under his arm and asks "Do you do fishcakes?"

Pointing at the fish, "Cos it's his birthday."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skubbags
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Walk into a restaurant with my family and Grandmother asks, "Do you serve crab cakes?"

My dad jumps in and says, "Sit right down ma'am - we serve everyone!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideOctopus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Watched my pregnant wife walk over to the fridge and pull out a bottle of Poland Springs. As she was coming back sit down I said "Shouldn't you be holding that with both hands?"

"We wouldn't want your water to break."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikestorm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my grandfather started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”

β€œBut today...” he continued. β€œWherever you go, there are cameras...”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his pants bartender says β€œaye mate you have a steering wheeling hanging from your pants”

Pirate replies β€œarrrgh I know and it’s driving me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaSnookGuy23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, β€œHey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”

The pirate says, β€œArrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Magical_Merlin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender says "sir, are you aware you have a steering wheel down your pants?"

The pirate says "Aye, it be drivin me nuts"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nasicournus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.