My girlfriend got me pretty good today.

I opened the cabinet to pull out the chocolate syrup when I noticed a chocolate fingerprint on the top. I jokingly asked her if she did that to mark it as hers since she had told me she might have to hide it to keep me from using it all. So, we go back and forth over whose fingerprint it is when she grabs it and takes it over to the dog. She holds it up and goes, "Eddie, look. Whose is that?" Of course, he's a dumb dog, so he just whines and wags his tail. She then comes back to me and says, "I sent the fingerprint to the Lab, results came back inconclusive." Cue long sigh.

Edit: Damn...

Edit 2: The Lab

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Really_Dont_Know
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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My girlfriends dad

She used the word congealed. I told her I like the word coagulate better. Her dad then chimes in with "Coagulate: when two dogs wag their tails in unison."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5K337Lord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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Why do dogs wag their tail?

Because the tail can't wag their dog

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentJac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm not feeling well."

The doctor says, "Okay, well have a seat." He then walks out of the room for a moment and comes back with a Labrador Retriever. The dog sniffs him a bit, then the doctor walks him back out of the room with his tail wagging. A couple minutes pass, and the doctor comes back with a cat. He rubs the cat all over the man until it meows, then takes it back out of the room. The doctor then returns and says, "Well, you seem fine to me. That'll be $1000." The man, flabbergasted, yells, "$1000?! There wasn't even anything wrong with me!" The doctor replies, "Well it rounds out to that between the lab work and the cat scan..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JH456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2015
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My dog was so excited to see my dad

My dad walked in and my dog was so excited and his tail was wagging so fast.

Me (to my dog) - If your tail wags any fast it's going to fall off

Dad (to my dog) - Then we'll have to take you to the retail store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatBox360
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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