Wat goes a round, comes a round
Mount Rushmore.
Apparently, it wasn't set high enough.
do janitors janit?
I asked if she was going to the dentist orthodontist
So I had to put my foot down
its azucar
A father in law...
I replied βNo. it was a K 9β
Because they have too much Skelatonin
"Some parts are missing."
Because they can't C#
You cant spell advertisements without the semen between the tits
A lot of folks seem to need help with this so ------- adver ti semen ts
Yesterday my almost 3 year old daughter was took my ears and said: "Daddy, I took your ears. You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "what?" She: "Daddy, I took your ears. You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "What?" She: "You don't have your ears anymore" Me: "But what? I cannot hear you, because I don't have my ears anymore"
She looked, understood wat I was saying and then turned to me at me with a face of huge disappointment...
I still think it was funny though
She said βwat pho?β
And I said βidk just to get a little culture?β
I Q U
It's too gross.
The Mega Drive.
My new husband agrees I need to learn to spell
Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."
The whole class is like wat...?
Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.
To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.
Dad: Wat?
Son: They are at C Level
Because I am timeless.
The waitress, going to refill my water glass asks, βMay I see your glass?β
Me: (holds up glass) βCan you see it now?β
Wife: *sigh
Waitress: ...
A pasta-tute.
Ohh! Sorry I mean "sin" curve
They're all listed at $70,000 or more
Wat-er you gonna do?
Dad: "You're built upside down."
Me: "Uhh, wat?"
Dad: "Your nose runs and your feet smell!"
Itβll give you magical apillities
wife: I need you to cut out the seeds from these bell peppers
me: why do you want them to be trees?
wife: wat?
me: that would make them de-seed-uous
wife: >:^(
