My boss got out of a 3 hour virtual meeting...

She threw her headset down in frustration. "Ugh. If I could have taken a drink every time they said the word accrual I would have been hammered an hour and a half ago."

Me: "well you know what they say. It's a-cruel world"

...So are any of you hiring?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeroOverZero
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2021
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During lockdown, I managed to connect virtually with a Lion, Giraffe and Rhino all at the same time.

These zoo meetings are really taking off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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What do you call a virtual toilet?

I.Pee address

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alongcameapoem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2021
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My son went to school to be a virtual reality game designer.

He never actually did any of his homework

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caverypca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
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It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.

Where do we draw the line?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gooeygargoyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Did you hear about the virtual pet dog?

All byte, no bark

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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My kid playing virtual Battleship with her friend

Her friend: I-1

My kid: No, you didn't.

(This just happened)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beetlebath
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Kid started virtual decimal lessons today.

It was in tenths.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoyznGirlznBabes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Asked my son if he and his friends, were playing the latest Virtual Reality game.

Son: VR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdchris19
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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I had this crazy dream where I was virtually weightless...

I was like 0mg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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What do you call it when your virtual assistant misunderstands your request?

Dysalexia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrolovesmoney
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I β€˜virtually’ see what you did there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzGl1tchy0uth3re
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: To get a better response in Asia, Billie Dee Williams is being replaced with an virtually unknown actor.

People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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I cant believe how far virtual reality has come in my lifetime

Its unreal

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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What do you call a virtual reality raft?

Oculus Drift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Equine problems

2 girls are chatting, one isn't particularly bright and seems very deep in thought, the other asks what she's thinking about, the not so bright one says she has an issue, "I have had a horse for years and my parents have just bought me a new one which is virtually identical to the first and I'm struggling to work out which one is which." The friend suggested she try cutting the mane short on one horse making it easy to identify. The friend is over the moon and rushes away to try the suggestion. A few weeks pass and the friends meet up, The friend and how she got on with the mane cutting trick. "It was fine for the first couple of weeks but the mane grew back so I'm back to square one." The friend thinks for a while and suggests cutting the hair on the tail short making identification simple. Again the girl rushes off to try the suggestion. A few weeks later they meet again with much the same story, this time the friend suggests measuring the horses height to see if one is taller than the other. A few weeks later they meet up, the not so clever one is ecstatic and proceeds to tell her friend how it went. "It was amazing and I hadn't noticed but the black horse was 2 hands taller than the white one".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I discovered a treasure trove of old dad jokes my grandfather had stashed away for future generations...

It was a virtual corny-copia of wit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the unicyclist give up on virtual reality?

It was Two Wheelistic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LandCruzer94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a virtual pig?

Bacon bits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpeediestMoon1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I told a joke over my zoom call

It wasn’t even remotely funny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holocene32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Sure they'll enjoy watching The Mootrix
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My father - who has virtually no sense of humor - said this today

Mother (of sleeping arrangements for a holiday): > But seriously, how are we going to get to sleep?

Father (muttering, back turned and on the other side of the room): > With our eyes closed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akucera
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
🚨︎ report
[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My son went to a good school before the shutdown.

But now his school is virtually the best.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1manmob
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My witty father got me with this long-con

One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."

groan.

TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.

edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acollins144
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2013
🚨︎ report
A dad joke from when I was younger

When I was younger, I had a Playstation 2 and a game called SOCOM: US Navy Seals that let you order your virtual team around with different voice commands. I'd be doing a mission and give the command to go weapons free by saying (basically yelling) "Fire at will." Every time I'd do that, my dad's voice would shout back "Who's Will and what'd he do to get shot at?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captainsuperdawg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about finding love on the internet?

It's virtually impossible.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alstroph
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Today I connected virtually with a lion, giraffe and rhino all at once.

These Zoo Meetings are really taking off!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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