I was playing Scrabble with Midge Ure from Ultravox

He had 4 tiles left but they meant nothing to me:

"O", "V", "N", "R".

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📅︎ Dec 10 2020
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Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
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👤︎ u/barwhack
📅︎ Feb 05 2017
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How did the Nazis get their money?

Krautfunding

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👤︎ u/Aereau
📅︎ Dec 14 2020
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My son just told me his first dad joke. He's 8, so go easy.

Son: what did the fig say to the table?

Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?

Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.

Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!

Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.

👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/RicoCat
📅︎ May 23 2020
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Did you hear that Bach was a great classical composer of interweaving repetitive elements?

I hear he was baroque all the time. It fugue-ures seeing how he was famous.

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📅︎ Jul 07 2020
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Why was Prussia forced to leave the First Schleswig War?

They were Pruss-ured by other nations.

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📅︎ Nov 28 2019
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Wen't to the farmers market.

My wife bought some duck eggs at the farmers market the other day. I told make sure you don't drop them or they might quack open.

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👤︎ u/cajunjon
📅︎ Mar 07 2017
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I got locked in a room that was on fire.

It was torch-ure.

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📅︎ Jan 23 2019
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In birdsong, every cheerful chirp'll

provide a way to rhyme with purple.

If you're clumsy, and a door inj-

ures you, that rhymes with orange.

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📅︎ Jun 16 2017
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