I feel kinda stupid and kinda proud for coming up with this (drawing on a phone is hard)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no_tak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Can I post here if i need help coming up with a pun? I’m a high school teacher and am implementing a β€œphone hotel”. I wanted to name it something clever. Like a name that sounds similar to a real hotel or even name it β€œPhone Hotel” with a clever slogan. Any ideas?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winnieloo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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β€œBoss, I’m not coming in today. I woke up this morning and found that I grew a thick beard and have a turban on.”

Boss: What?

Man: Yes, I’m calling in Sikh.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, β€œWhat are you doing climbing my tree?” β€œWell, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.

β€œYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”

β€œWell I brought my own pears.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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A string goes into the bar and the bartender tells him, β€œWe don’t serve your kind here” the string then leaves, twists himself up and parts his hair, coming back to the bar, the bartender then asks, β€œAren’t you the string from yesterday?”

The string replies, β€œI’m a frayed knot”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omghibird
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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one bar owner was yelling at a recently joined bartender for coming up with new drinks and calling them weird names ...

for instance , he shakes pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/esma3ell
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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A man & his son are selling carob on the beach. The man sees pirates coming and quickly packs up. The son asks, "what's wrong".

Dad says, "those are pirates of the carob-eating"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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My son is a artist, and he was having a hard time coming up with something to paint

I told him to take it easel.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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There's an up and coming band called Nine Hundred Ninety Nine Megabytes.

But they never get a gig.

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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
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Did you hear about the up-and-coming honey bee?

I heard he’s gonna breakout in hives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sublime50lbc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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Road-tripping with the family and coming up on the last rest stop for miles...

"Anyone need to go? Speak now or forever hold your pees!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdsamford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pellersheila
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My name is Jay and we are an Icelandish family. My wife and I could never come up with a name for our son.

So he is called Json

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I called my friend to tell him about my big promotion and how it comes with a lot of new responsibilities now that I'm running the business. He asked what my new job was and how I was holding up.

I told him "I'm generally managing"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shantron5000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"

1

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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My son comes up to me today and tells me he’s gay. My wife tried to stop me but I couldn’t stop myself shouting at him.

Hi gay I’m dad. I just get so excited at every oppertunity to say it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWilfred11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. Puzzled, the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?" The bull replies...

"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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A sheepdog tells the farmer he's going to round up the sheep and comes back with 50 sheep and the farmer says "We only have 48 sheep."

The dog replies "I said I was going to round them up,"

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...

It was all Hans on deck!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Yo come up with the best bread puns and dont ask rye.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrmsa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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[pun request] can anyone think of a pun relating to giannis antetokounmpo and rabbits/bunnies? Trying to come up with a pet name
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatemokidd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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My brother and I are trying to come up with an extensive list of vegetable related puns

Lettuce know if you have any

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"

"I am", I said.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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I've been waiting for someone else to come up with a brilliant joke about a clock, and grew tired of waiting so I made one up myself

It's about time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company

The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BF1gamerz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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I had a guy come up to me at the store the other day as I was browsing the candy section and proclaimed "I refuse to eat Werther's originals!" Confused, I asked "Why's that?"

"I have my Riesens!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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My 4.5 year old is on to me ... comes up to me and says:

β€œHi, Dad, my name is Thirsty, can I please have a cup of water?”

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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I tried to cheer my buddy up by inviting him to a poker night after cows broke into his marijuana store and ate all his product, but he couldn’t come.

He said that the steaks were too high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravenclaw_VIII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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A man comes up to me and says, "I met a talking bicycle wheel today.β€œ

Surprised, I asked, "What happened?!"

"It spoke."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hd_1600
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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I was eating at a restaurant and a waiter comes up to me and asks: "How did I find the steak?"

I told him I looked underneath the parsley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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My gf calls me up and says,"come on over,theres nobody home."

I went over,there was nobody home!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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So I was in a hostel playing chess with a European guy when an Aussie comes up and says...

"There's no way you'll win."

"Why?"

"Because he's Czech, mate."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caledonius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Studying Spanish and these are the puns I've come up with so far.

English and Spanish.

The Trump administration is making a game out of getting Latinos out of the country, they call it deporte.

Spanish heathens have to pay extra to preforn their ceremonies. Pagan rituals

What sci-fi weapon does the King of Spain prefer? A rey-gun!

Do you know how many times anyone had to tell me how to say 'eleven' in Spanish? Once.

Exclusivamente en espaΓ±ol (PerdΓ³n por errores gramaticales)

QuΓ© comida es el mas mojado? El agua-cate

Cual comida no puede decir una mentira? La verdadura

Como se llama un libro sobra la revoluciΓ³n? Libre!

QuΓ© es exactamente una mejor que Beyonce? Beydoce

Cual animal siempre tiene un novio o novia? El Parejaro.

Cual comida es el menos diverido? Aburrito.

Sobre que papel de pelicula de Madonna no le quiere hablar? Evita!

Quiero que me digΓ‘is mas. Nunca tengo suficiente bromas!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad and daughter come into the restaurant I work at. He was crackin me up the whole time.

They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.

Dad: How do you pronounce that one?

Me: Falafel?

Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..

Daughter: (Face palm)

.

EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.

.

and again..

.

Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.

Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.

Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)

Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riggy60
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
🚨︎ report
So my son comes up to me the other day and says "Dad you know 2 things that never get old?"

Dark humor and anti-vax kids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thidum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm going to get a job as a valet attendant, come dressed up as Spider-Man, and introduce myself as "Peter the Parker"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TISparta217
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
When asked to come up with a pun that second I thought momentarily and said

Once a pun a time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't come up with a witty title and I don't wanna ruin the joke, so just look at the goddamned picture
πŸ‘︎ 401
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
🚨︎ report
(cross post) I tried to come up with a pun for flour and sugar but I forgot.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy has a rough day and stops at Dick’s Place...

...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.

Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. β€œWhat IS that?” β€œThat’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.

Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.

The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, β€œThat’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, β€œNo, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
We need help naming some murderous cats.

We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.

We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.

We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.

So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.

We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sveil96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scam where folks who engage in wordplay invite others to engage in wordplay, and folks who were there longer get credit for what the newer folks come up with?

That would be a punzi scheme.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my girlfriend to come to the gym with me and she didn’t turn up

I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sinki7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh

and no pun in 10 did

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
i need help fellow r/puns residents i need to come up with 80’s themed puns for a veggie tray and chocolate mouse

Edit: I was not born in the 80’s I will not get any of the references

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi_15
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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