..this isn't for me.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
To minimise casual tees
I just had no idea she was a superhero.
Overall.
To minimize casual tees...
A single letter “n”
A uniformed racist!
Cuz he was homogenius.
Garrison Ford.
Without any replicators on the family orchard, he decides to do it analogue with his brother's old sewing machine.
He puts a thread through the needle, his uniform underneath, and switches it on. It whirs and grunts out clunking noises before being switched back off.
"Robert your machine is broken!"
"What do you want me to do about it, Jean-Luc?"
"I need you to make it sew!"
It was a dishonourable discharge.
He didn't know, so I told him, "It's to minimize casual tees."
She always wanted a night in, shining armour.
To observe and reflect.
So I recently got some part time work and I'm beginning today and my dad offered to give me a lift over. I had to pick up some black clothes aswell as part of my uniform.
We ere just getting ready to leave and my father was looking at me and said "You should of wore orange!", I hadn't a clue what the hell he was talking about, and before I could even reply he followed up "...because Orange is the New Black right?!" almost immediately!
He doesn't even watch the damn show..
But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided: if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.
The email was about navy blue pants for our Valedictory service. It said "Your navy pants have arrived...". I forwarded the email to my parents. My dad replied "Are you joining the Navy?"
I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.
I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.
They said no.
It's the Deli Llama.
First off a six-parter
- If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
- How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
- How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
- All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
- A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
- As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.
No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?
A: he was wearing a naval uniform.
Anyone know similar nonsense?
She has no standard deviation.
We walked past a well-known tailor, they make fancy men's clothes and school uniforms to measure. She remarked on how she thought it must be an awful job. I saw my moment and it was glorious.
So I turned to her with barely contained glee and I said, "yeah, I'm sure it's tough but I bet it suits some people".
Because they're uniform belts!
'You're stripping me of a job.'
He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.
“What’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.
“Nothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.
“You don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.
“No!” Replied the communist.
“Look,” said the bartender “you can’t just sit at the bar and read without ordering anything. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Do you know who I am?” Asked the communist, as he slowly lowered the newspaper, revealing combed back black and grey hair, a large, bushy mustache, and a neatly kept Officer uniform with two gold stars pinned to the left breast.
The bartender stepped back, shocked. “Well now you’re just Stalin!”
Her: "I'm wearing my uniform; what's wrong with that?"
Me: "Today is national Ballerina Day; you're supposed to wear your ballet attire."
Her: "Today is national Ballerina Day?"
Me: "Yes. Today is national Ballerina Day - it's '2/2'."
Family at table: Groan
While on a cruise a few months ago, my wife, another couple and I were eating dinner in one of the fancier restaurants. We saw someone in uniform (who looked like the captain) eating dinner with a few others nearby.
Our friend asked "if that's the captain, then who's driving the boat?"
My response, "it's fine, he's got it on cruise control"
A serial killer who takes body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite the danger, he simply replied "It was a wrist I was willing to take."
My grandfather needed a fancy uniform that included a hat, so my dad decided it would make the perfect Christmas gift. He wanted it to be a surprise, but he still needed to measure his head for the hat size.
"All right, dad, I need to measure your head. We need to see who's smarter." "Sure, go ahead son."
My dad measures his dad's head, and then his own head. My dad has the bigger head.
"Hah! My head is bigger, so I'm smarter!" My grandfather replies, "Don't get a big head about it!"
Going through the English alphabetic phonetics and she blanks on U and says U for unicorn?
Me: No. U for Uniform.
Her: Why can't U be a unicorn?
Me: Because I was born a human being babe.
Her: Rolls eyes and pulls the finger
So a little kid comes to the door in a Red Sox uniform and my Dad tells him " WOW! Congratulations on the World Series, such an accomplishment at your age !"
I work as a lab tech in my university, and as I was preparing some bacterial streak plates for some students (mind you, we use an innoculating loop to transfer bacteria from a sample tube to plates), I said to some of the students: "what did one bacteria said to the other? Let's get looped, and go streaking."
I received an uniform look of dissapointment and a couple of facepalms from the students while I giggled at my joke. The teacher loved it though.
To minimize casual tees
To minimize casual tees
To minimise casual tees
