A mom brings her baby to the doctor who says - wow, your baby is beautiful ! She says - thanks, but I'm sure you say that to every mom. He says - no I don't. She asks - what do you say if the baby is ugly??

Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!

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👤︎ u/2donutkid2
📅︎ Oct 20 2018
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Got my son on the day of his first child's birth

My granddaughter was recently born, and she is, of course, perfection incarnate. However, the night she was born, I got my son.

We had left his girlfriend's hospital room where she was in labor (14 1/2 hours!) to get some coffee. As we did so, I gave him some fatherly advice.

Me: Son, you know how everyone acts like all babies are beautiful?

Him: Yeah.

Me: Well, you and I both know that it's not true. There are some ugly babies out there. Now, I am not saying yours is going to be, I am sure she's going to be fine, but just in case...

Him: Yes?

Me: You know those signs at some bathrooms that say "Baby Changing Station"? Just stick her in there, close the lid...

Him: OMG, Dad, shut the fuck up!

Me: <literally tapdancing away>

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Sep 23 2016
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Today I met a man who was holding a cage full of bees.

Confused, I asked him, "Hey man what's up with the bees?" And he suddenly said, "You're ugly."

Affronted, I said, "Ugly?!! And what do YOU know about looks!"

So he told me, "Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder."

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/Rogue2555
📅︎ May 06 2019
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