reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"
Anyways I'm divorced now.
Seriously now, how low can you go?
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
Me: wow that’s disconcerting
The woman storms off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Credit goes to my friend who made the joke
Now this is a c-rious problem
(it happened for real, help)
Me: I had one too many Coronas last night and i'm not feeling that great.
Her:(rolls eyes and leaves the bedroom)
"It is... Inedible"
It will pass.
Vacuuming sucks.
Me: 'I certainly hope so. I'd hate to think I smelt like that normally'.
Me: That’s the spirit.
Now it's chard.
Me: "You mean the Cross-hair?"
Me: No, only for the next 2 hours.
I guess it mist me
Sigh unzips
"Did that leave you feeling deflated?"
Better than under it!
My Dad: Where did you get the balloons?
Me: Grocery store unfortunately - the Dollar Store doesn't sell helium balloons anymore cause the price of helium keeps going up.
My Dad: Isn't that what it's supposed to do?
Me: Cleary, something is afoot.
Me: It's all in your head.
"Hey, Dad I need to run out to the store. Would you like to come with?" "Yeah I could use some things" "Okay does 4:30 work?" "No but it's polishing its applications at least"
"Did you hear my joke about the Indian chief's wives?"
The first wife lived in a hut made of deer hide, and bore him one son.
The second wife lived in a hut made of bear hide, and bore him one son.
The third wife lived in a hut of hippopotamus skin and bore him twin sons.
"Thus the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of two hides!"
A fucking mad lib on the Pythagorean theorem. I'm pissed. He's so happy. Love you dad.
