Tomorrow Starts Today Puns

I teach high school math. The other day, December 1st, one of my students was looking at the date he wrote down on the paper he was about to turn in and said, "Hey, today's December!"

And I replied, "Yeah, and tomorrow's December, too."

The class started groaning at my bad joke, but I didn't even realize I had said a pun until they started groaning! I don't even have children, but the dad in me must already be growing.

Scene: Party on Friday Night

Him- "Man, today was a sad day…"

Me- "well, tomorrow will be a Saturday"

starts slow clap

I started running a few weeks ago and since my dad is one of my biggest supporters, I had to tell him about my progress when he called today:

Me: "So, I went for my longest run yet, today. I feel fine now, but I'll probably be mighty sore tomorrow."

Dad: "You'll be a Norse god tomorrow?"

Me: ?????

Dad: "Mighty Thor."

dad laughter ensues

Me: ... Is today Friday?

Dad: All day.

Every time someone asks him that questions or similarly if tomorrow is the day it is, he responds in that exact way. Without fail. My whole life. Still walk right into it. Started doing it myself. What's happening?

An Aussie blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'but Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the entrance exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?''

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?' The blonde replied, 'Twelve!' 'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?' 'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' He walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.' 'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'and what is the answer?' 'It's Andy.' 'Andy??' 'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde. This totally floored St Peter and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at